Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Helping others

I really believe in the old adage that it is better to give than to receive. I give because I selfishly love the feeling I get from doing something for someone. Even when they don't know it was me. In fact I prefer to remain anonymous whenever possible. Sometimes I can't. It is easier to drop off meals without giving a name than inviting 'strangers' into your home and still remain nameless.

We do this often too. Invite people in. Not just for a meal but to give them a place to stay instead of a motel in between PCSing or whatever reason they got stuck in one. Sometimes it works out very well. Sometimes the people pitch in and help. We don't charge them rent. We simply ask for help with buying groceries and that they do their share of housework. (Which by the way, NEVER involves the kitchen...that's my baby.)

Sometimes the people go above and beyond. I never expect that. But what I hate is that time after time of helping people we get the raw end of the deal. They offer no help for food or around the house. They expect me to be their maid as if they were still paying the $900-1200 a month they were staying in some roach infested motel. I don't get it. I am becoming bitter. I am getting to a point where I no longer want to help people. I don't want to be that person.

I also don't feel that we are extending such a kindness that we are not asking too much from someone. How hard is it to pick up after yourself or grab a dust rag or take out the trash when it's full?

I want to scream 'either you help or go back to paying what you were at the motel.' Don't tell me you're broke on payday when you have NO bills. We are the ones paying for the house, the utilities AND the food. Oh wait, let's throw in chauffeur services too.

Do I need to have something written up to hand people that we are trying to give a hand up to? Should it be outlined? Isn't it common sense that if someone is letting you stay with them for free that you should help in some way so as not to make it hardship on them?

Sigh....

I wish everyone could be like the last family we helped. And they are the reason that I'm sure I will continue to help military families when they need a place to stay.

It makes me wonder if age has anything to do with it. They were older, like us. Seems all the younger ones we've helped have taken advantage of us and wore out their welcome very quickly. Surely that can't be it.

I should add it's not just people we let stay with us. People ask 'little' favors of us. We always help when we can. The last time we helped with a little favor it is costing us over $500 in damage to the house. It might be more, I'm still working on figuring it out.

With the holidays here I don't want to be bitter. I still want to be a giving, helping person. I just don't know how much more is in me.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Overcoming November 5, 2009 - The Fort Hood Shootings

First, I apologize for scattered, meandering thoughts. Poor grammar and general misuse of the English language.
  
In Remembrance: Capt John A Gaffaney, Lt. Col. Juanita L. Warman, Maj. Libardo Caraveo, Capt. Russell Seager, Staff Sgt. Justin Decrow, Sgt. Amy Krueger, Spc. Jason Hunt, Spc. Frederick Greene, Pfc. Aaron Nemelka, Pfc. Michael Pearson, Spc. Kham Xiong, Pvt. Francheska Velez and retired Chief Warrant Officer Michael Cahill and one unborn child.


November 5, 2009. I had just got offline with chatting with my husband. It was his bedtime and time for me to get busy with the day. The phone rang. It was my mother in law. I always look forward to her calls. I cheerfully answered. The first words out of her mouth were, "I just wanted to make sure you are okay." I said yes everything is fine, her son is fine. She said she just saw on the news about the shootings. Things got crazy at that point. My phones were ringing non-stop. The Fort Hood alert system was going off. A mile from the gate and I can hear it over and over again. (BLARING ALARM): ATTENTION: SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY. Remain indoors. Lock your doors. Turn off heating/AC. Close your vents. ~ That isn't verbatim, but close. When you hear it and you don't know what is going on it is scary.

The news was reporting three or more gunmen shooting on Fort Hood. The base was under attack. In the beginning we did not know how widespread the attack was. The news was reporting rumors. A shooter at Commanche III, now a shooter at Kouma village (off base just up the road from me.) It was chaos. It was terror.

The news spread faster than fire ever thought of spreading and within minutes my husband was back online issuing orders to me to stay inside and pull the curtains and lock the doors. Cursing that we do not have our gun yet. Swearing that will be resolved. (And it was.)

There were new reports of a shooter being at the main PX, now somewhere else. I kept waiting for a bomb of some sort. Literally or metaphorically. There was such a looming sense of doom. The President is on TV. General Cone is on TV. He said a shooter had been shot and killed and two more were in custody. We still did not know how many there were.

I was fielding calls from a VERY panicked mother that lived in Commance III. There were police everywhere. I kept myself more calm by trying to calm her.

Base was locked down. There was no way in or out. Parents sat at the gates just blocks away from their children in school, not able to get to them.

The death toll kept rising. The background noise is sirens blaring nonstop with emergency personnel.

People were speculating, "Why didn't the soldiers just shoot him?" Soldiers don't carry weapons when they are at home. No more than the average person carries a weapon to their job. On that day our soldiers that protect a nation could offer no protection at home.

My husband online via video cam in Iraq felt helpless and he was. There was nothing he could do to help the soldiers back home or comfort me. For now, just being able to see his face had to be enough. I was angry. Angry that he couldn't be here to comfort me. Angry that while he is overseas fighting terrorism it is happening in his back yard.

Nighttime came. Uncertainty filled the dark house. General Cone gave another press conference. This time bringing some relief and answers. There was one shooter. He was not dead. He had been shot and taken to the hospital.

With help from a friend called Ambien I was able to finally go to sleep that night. The family I had comforted via phone was finally able to leave base and came to spend the night.

The next few days as police raided the shooters apartment and evidence emerged did little to comfort me. He was a Major in the US Army. Trained in our military. A psychiatrist that is SUPPOSED to be there to comfort soldiers and help them. He was a terrorist. I was mad at hell!

I desperately needed to go to the commissary. I didn't feel safe but kept telling myself I cannot let fear win. If I did, the terrorist wins. Going through the gates two days after the shooting everything was so different. There were armed soldiers in full military gear everywhere. They were stationed at the ends of the commissary and at the entrance and exit. I should have found that comforting and in a way I did. I couldn't help but worry. The place I feel the safest (on base) was no longer safe. We had to have armed soldiers standing around protecting us.

No, I did not personally know anyone that lost their life or was injured that day. But then again, I do. There is a strong bond in the military. One I would never have known if my husband didn't choose to reenlist. One I will never forget. One I am thankful for him to be able to let me see. Do I hurt for those killed and injured? More than anyone can fully realize.

It is a year later and I still cringe when I see his picture. One year later I still shake when I go on base. There isn't a single time I don't look over my shoulder when I go in a building to make sure no one has a gun. But I go. Just as I forced myself to attend the memorial service on November 10th. To take a stand against terrorism. I don't make as many shopping trips now. Only out of pure necessity. I can only handle so much stress. I try to explain my fear to some. It's not really understood.

There were so many victims that day. Not just the people injured and killed by gunfire. Many of us have emotional scars that will never go away. We can only look past them and try to soothe them any way we can. I'm sure as years go by the scars will fade more and more but they will never miraculously disappear.

I had to write about it today. I have read so much and watched so many tributes, shedding tears from the time I woke up. No, since I went to bed last night knowing that today was the anniversary. Writing helps to heal as much as shedding tears.

I met a wonderful friend the day of the memorial service. She has been a rock for me. During this sad time we are going to find time to celebrate our friendship. That's what life is right? Overcoming and moving on.

The first is video that I took the day of the memorial service. There is really nothing to see, I wasn't aiming at anything. Close your eyes and listen.



A tribute I found.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Meet my husband.


I go on and on about how I feel. Woe is me, blah blah blah. We all know the feeling. It's time for a pity party and it's all about ME!

That however is not fair to my husband. It's not fair to who he really is and why we are really here.

We were taking a silly quiz the other day. One of the questions was your most admirable trait. For him I immediately knew it was LOYALTY. He has many many admirable traits, but that one stuck out the most.

We would all like to think we're loyal but minds can often be changed. A prospective employer offers us more money, less hours and better benefits. We're very likely to tell our employer of ten years 'see ya later.' I know I have. Not my husband.

My husband was self employed in the years he was out of the Army. He would always sacrifice his own well being to make sure he gives who he is working for his very best. Even if it meant getting paid less or not at all. The same goes for his Country.

He was in the infantry 20 some years ago. Watching the news after 9-11 got to both of us. I would cry and he would get more and more anxious to do something to help. He had 'brothers' there getting injured and killed. Sitting at home watching it was driving him crazy.

My husband feels guilt. I couldn't understand why he should feel guilty and we discussed it last night. He blames himself for putting me in this 'Going it alone' position. I don't know how to alleviate that guilt. Without him reenlisting I would not have known there was this abyss of women that are 'going it alone.' I have a desire to help people and he has given me that opportunity as well as gaining for himself the opportunity to help others.

I want to share with you what he wrote in a Facebook post: "When I decide to be loquacious I can usually find the words I need to express myself. My technique is to babble incessantly knowing that eventually the gist of what I'm trying to say will come across. However there are no words to describe ...the hurt I feel knowing what I've put my dear wife through. The guilt I feel knowing that Robin is suffering and sacrificing so much because of a decision I made is now a part of my daily life. I want to thank, from my heart, everyone helping to ease her burden. If I could give each one of you a hug and a kiss I most certainly would. Thank you. And Robin, I love you."

I can feel the pain in those words he wrote. I want to reassure him I am fine. Even on the days when I complain and things don't go my way. I have never been so proud and so in love with anyone in my entire life. I want him to understand that without him reenlisting I wouldn't have these opportunities I've been presented with. 

I share some of my innermost feelings, not to lash out at him or others, but so that someone else that may be going through something similar doesn't need to feel alone. By reaching out to people I don't feel so alone. There are days, we all have them, when we want or need to feel sorry for ourselves. That's life. It just happens to be the time when I write to get out what I'm feeling inside. It is never meant to make my husband sound like an awful person. 


Thank you honey from the bottom of my heart for being my knight in digitized camo. You are my hero.



Yes, the loneliness is there on days. On the days I choose to let it exist. All I need to do is reach out. Going It Alone is growing slowly. It has helped me feel not so alone and I hope it will help others too.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Getting heard. Great news!

I sat in silence for so long, feeling sorry for myself and feeling so alone in this Army life. Out of frustration I sent off an email to the people at Her War Her Voice. My plea was heard and with it came the Facebook group Going It Alone.

The group is only up to 32 members. But compared to me, and others, feeling like we were the ONLY one I think that number is great. Her War Her Voice featured a blog post that I wrote. I just heard today that what I discussed in the blog will be taken to the Pentagon and talked about there. Here is what it said:

"My husband reenlisted at age 40 after 20 years of being out of the army. At the time we had been married 4 years. It was a very hard decision that he put in my hands and for the first three years of our marriage I flat out said ‘NO! I will not let the Army take you from me!’
 
We are members of our local VFW and one night I was discussing the problem with a former military spouse. She said that if I chose selfishly it could build resentment. That was a great deal to swallow. We were 40 years old!! We are just going to give up a life we have for a life that who knows what happens tomorrow? I knew less than nothing about Army life and also knew that it was all my husband could think about.
Later that night I said ‘OK.’ I think somewhere in my mind I felt they wouldn’t take him because of his age. I was wrong and ready to face my new life when they picked him up at the house to go to MEPS.

What I learned next is that I did not exist while he was in training. I was stuck in some limbo with no one to answer questions about Why? When? Where? Who? Two weeks into training he got a stress fracture. He was in Ft. Sill medical holdover for five months recovering. He would NOT chapter out under any circumstance. I stayed in limbo. I was stuck almost 1,000 miles away because I was not authorized to live with him. After two months I drove myself to Oklahoma, found us a cheap little house and was there with him while he recovered. The Dr’s finally released him and they sent him on to Warrior Transition Course in White Sands, NM. I packed up the few things we had accumulated in those few months and headed north to return to limbo.

Still, no matter where I looked for answers there was nothing for me. Six months into his being gone, I knew nothing and still did not exist because he is in ‘tradoc.’WTC at White Sands lasted only a month and he was on his way to Ft Sam Houston for his medic training. This was five more months of limbo. Daily we watched the ERB to see if we had any idea where we were going to end up. Two months before his training was over he got his orders to Ft. Hood. That’s a long way from home but I didn’t care as long as we were together. I did not exist for an entire year. 

I had tons of questions now about PCS, reimbursements, housing, you name it. There are thousands of questions and the best answer I could get from anyone is ‘you’ll know when it happens.’ And that is how I found everything out, as it happened. I searched online, blogs, websites about PCS, you name it. Everything was at best vague and didn’t answer my deepest questions. I learned that I probably just ask too many questions. My husband was a single soldier when he was in the Army 20 years earlier, he was just as clueless as I was. He also got the strange looks when asking for direction.

I am thrown into a world with a new language, a new way of doing things. A world where pain, suffering and loneliness is an everyday occurrence. There is no basic training for first time wives. There should be. A one week crash course on language, propriety, PCS, deployment, command structure and just what to expect next. Yes, I did take the online AFTB. It helped, but didn’t sink in the way face to face learning sinks in. It also was geared to very young spouses that have never managed a home and had no real life experience.
My first stop at Ft Hood was ACS. I asked them questions about everything from travel to housing. My answer, ‘I don’t know.’ Everything that they did refer to me was geared toward people with children. Guess I was in the wrong place. I also got so many strange looks when I said I know nothing. It was the ‘are you stupid’ looks. I felt like screaming, ‘Yes, I’m over 40 and have gray hair but I’ve NEVER been here before!!!’ I got so tired of people assuming my age meant I had been here for a long time or it was my son who was in the army. 

Housing was another horror we faced. We have had years to establish belongings. Yet we are allowed a two bedroom home. The one they picked for us was in one of the oldest housing areas on base and very small. We felt we deserved more than that and found a house four times larger for the same money off base. I felt discriminated against because we have no dependent children. I felt ashamed even that I couldn’t have a child to be able to get a larger house. Yes, I know on one level it’s based on rank, but sometimes our brains don’t acknowledge those things. Not when it’s something so personal.
 
My husband deployed to Iraq shortly after we got settled in Texas. I try to seek out friends but I feel in limbo here too. The officer’s wives tend to be so busy being an officer’s wife that I don’t exist. The enlisted wives are all 15-20 years younger than me with children. The functions that exist are geared toward people with children. I can’t say there hasn’t been someone to step up and be my friend, and she is an awesome person. We live far enough apart that it puts a dent in having a coffee clutch. And she has something here I don’t. Family. I left my family 1,500 miles away.
 
I try to help as many as I can, to feel like I am doing something. I put on a smile and say, ‘I am doing well. Sorry to hear about you.’ Then there are days that I wait for someone, ANYONE, to pick up their phone and call me and say “just thinking about you.’ I feel forgotten because I am alone. I feel that because I don’t have children, people think that I don’t have problems, or everyday issues. When in fact not having a child to care for makes loneliness even greater, I have no where to refocus other than myself. I do not have a child’s social events to get a chance to meet other people. If I go to an event where there are children I would get asked, ‘which one is yours?’ And if I respond none, I’d get the look again.
 
There are days that can go by that I forget to eat because honestly, why do I want to cook for just myself? Laundry? Well, I guess when I run out of pajamas is when I will decide that it has to be done. Cleaning house? Really? It’s just me, when does it get dirty? (Who cares about the dust building up on everything…I don’t.) I head to the commissary once every payday to buy milk and coffee and a dozen cans of soup. Sometimes, if there is a family in need I’ll make another trip to whip up a meal for them but can’t even fathom the idea of doing that for myself. 

I sit and I wait. I could sew. I could walk on the treadmill. I could do Tai Chi. But if I do, I might miss a message. Besides, who cares if I do any of those things? Yes, I should care about myself, but that got lost when he left for Iraq. It is such a strange phenomenon. I cared the day before he left. What happened in those hours that turned my world around? This is where friends should come into play. But this is the Army.  Friendships are hard to come by and even harder when you have nothing in common with most of the people. At the end of the day most spouses have someone to tuck in at night and say ‘I love you’ to. I just go to bed, alone in an empty house.
 
This is a lonely world. I love my husband dearly and support him every second of the day. It is just my longing that someone, somewhere would create a group just for us older ones that don’t fit into the nice little niche the Army has for enlisted wives. A place that we can go for support and activities and have something more in common than a child."
 
 

What went wrong?

My wonderful husband arrived home from his tour in Iraq three months ago. His block leave was the entire next month. We didn't do anything spectacular. We rested together and enjoyed each other. That included not doing any PT or anything that was physically exerting. I couldn't blame him for just wanting to rest. I'm sure that is all I'd want to do were the roles reversed.

He reported back to his unit on a Monday and was told that same day he had a APFT test the next morning. That was the first he knew anything about it. Yes, it is the soldiers responsibility to maintain their level of fitness. I have to side with the laziness here. He JUST got back from Iraq. I knew the next morning was going to be a difficult one for him.

Within a mile of the run his leg gave way to another stress fracture. He heard it, felt it and had been there before. Determined and in pain he ran the remaining distance. Before he could proceed to see a Doctor he had to go to the office to get 'taped.' He is finally able to get to the TMC and was given a pair of crutches and sent to another clinic for x-rays. That clinic was booked up. We went to another TMC, their machine was broke. Finally the fourth TMC I took him to was able to do his x-rays. A couple of days go by and he returns for the results. Like with his prior stress fracture it doesn't show up on regular x-rays. Now he has to go to the hospital to schedule an MRI. The soonest appointment is a month away.

We are now a week into his leg being hurt and he has yet to see a Doctor. A month passes with him on crutches and in pain. He has the MRI and is told to check with his Doctor in 3-4 days. After the allotted amount of time he goes to his TMC and is then told his provider is no longer there and he would need to make an appointment which is three more weeks away. That time passes and still not being seen by a doctor is sent on for a bone scan and referred to an Orthopedic doctor for surgery on his knee. A month away.

You can bet I am steaming mad at this point. His bone scan is in the morning, at least that isn't another month's wait. He is still on crutches, he is still in pain. When I look at his leg it looks like a 'Z.' His muscles in that leg have atrophied. He will recover in time. He is facing knee surgery from the damage done.

I am sad and disappointed that this has gone on so long. Why on Earth should a soldier be treated with such disregard?

His next deployment is only a couple months away. Yes, that's less than six months home. I don't know what will happen at this point. He has a great deal of recovering to do in two months time. He would be so unhappy getting stuck in Rear D.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Soldier Suicides

Soldier suicides spike
There is a huge problem in our system. Even when I needed 'someone' to talk to while my husband was deployed I did not feel comfortable seeking mental health treatment. I was afraid that there would be no real confidentiality. I did finally go through Military One Source. I did not however express all my true feelings. All I could think is "What if I say something that goes back to my husbands unit?"

If I felt that way, what must the actual soldier feel? It's no wonder they don't seek the help they may need. There are flags, and stigmas and repercussions. Even if it's said there are none. It's there. It might not be visible, but it's there.

"According to the report, from 2005 to 2009 more than 1100 members of the US Armed Forces took their own lives — an average of 1 suicide every 36 hours during the 5-year period. "In that same period suicide rates among Marines and Soldiers sharply increased; the rate in the Army more than doubled," the report notes."

That report only addresses suicide. It does not address the increase in violence and crimes committed by soldiers. There has to be more. 

Friday, September 10, 2010

Surrounded

After spending a year isolated from people then being thrust back into them I feel like I am suffocating.

I don't have problems with my husband, he's just under my feet all the time. I can't clean when he's resting because it will disturb him.

I got sick days after his return and have been surrounded by doctors and nurses and lab techs. We had an old roommate move back in to help out with the house. Oh yes, because my husband's leg broke the day after returning from leave. I have never had a chance to recover because I've had to jump into taking care of him too.

My 25 year old son will be here in 2 months to live for at least a year. There is nothing where he is at and he wants a new start in life. I hope he can find it here. My once empty 4 bedroom house is quickly filling up. If there is not one person demanding my attention there are three or four or five. Keep adding in extended familial problems that I'm expected to deal with from a thousand miles away and the numbers keep getting higher.

I need some peace. Some solitude. Some time away from the news or the constant facebook bickering over the proposed mosque or the Qur'an. There is no way to choose a winning side. The flooding, the fires, the earthquakes, tsunamis. The list goes on with disgruntled workers killing people at former job sites. I am sensitive and for whatever reason I take on the problems of everyone. No, I don't try to fix them. I just feel them.

For just a few days I don't want to feel. I don't want to be needed. I just want to be alone and not have any demands made on me. No expectations, no worries.

Dream worlds are nice huh?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Simpler Way of Life

I like to do things the old fashioned way. Kind of. The microwave is there and I use it. Toaster, blender, mixer. You name it. If it plugs in and uses electricity I have it.

I also hope that I would never have to give up those conveniences! Then I wonder what exactly I would do if they weren't available to use. I also want to become 'greener.' It doesn't seem like just the two of us could do much to change the world but of course that is the wrong attitude. Everything starts with one.

I can't help but think how much easier a PCS would be if we weren't encumbered by all the appliances we have. We don't hoard things. Except in the kitchen. We both LOVE to cook. I have three sets of pots and pans. A drawer each for utensils, gadgets, knives, measuring cups, etc. And at some point during each year everything in my kitchen gets used. I don't know how to downsize what I have and there is ALWAYS more that I want or need.

I want to expand my knowledge of from scratch foods. That includes buying whole grain and grinding it myself. (hand crank so I don't need to rely on electricity)  Not to mention preserving food which takes all kinds of equipment. The canning, either boiling water bath or pressure does not rely on electricity and could easily be done over a good hot fire or propane flame outside.  The dehydrator on the other hand does use electricity and I'd like to learn more about using screens and ventilation for drying foods.

I decided to check out the MWR and see if they had any classes that would be useful. I was greatly disappointed to find nothing about food. I will check the local colleges and see what they have to offer and hopefully will find something during the day. I am not a night person and night time adult education is not my thing.

For now I will buy books and see what I can learn on my own. While my dear husband is patient and reaps the benefits of whatever I can find to preserve then make into some tasty treat.

Here are some of the tools and books that I am looking at for now:

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Re-adjusting

DH has been home for a month now. The horror stories I read about reintegration have not came to light yet. I am by no means complaining but find that sometimes I am looking for the other shoe to fall. To fight and argue and wonder what comes next.

I have a honey do list. It's not getting done. That could be the area that starts an argument so I stay away from it and figure once his month of block leave is up I can start urging for the things on my list to get completed.

We both DID change over the last year. Not for the worse. We have found new interests but nicely enough we share the new interests. Ecuador for one. (I'll write more about that later because it's a big one.) The next one is just getting ourselves ready for whatever may come.

We've always lived for the moment or the day. Things happened to both of us this last year that made us realize that we need to be better prepared for an emergency. Whatever it might be. I'm not going to be all doomsday here. Don't worry. But I do want to mention that the first site that came up when I was searching for preparedness was The Preparedness Pantry blog. So FULL of useful information! Not to mention the store where I can buy food in bulk specifically for long term storage.

They also have a 'food storage analyzer.' What an amazing tool to use! I was able to enter food that I have on hand and see how long what I do have will actually last. (It wasn't long.) Then there are options to create a list of foods they have available and make a shopping list from it. My initial goal is to get three months of food storage, then six months then a year. Using their tool I will be able to keep track of where I am in meeting my goal. Check it out for yourself. (They also have giveaways quite often.)


Gift Card Giveaway

Friday, July 2, 2010

Finding friendship and maintaining it.

I find lots of friends. So many people with similar interests. People that are fun. People that are interesting. I have close friends that I can turn to if I need to. I don't have many friends that are close enough to just hang out with whenever, but I have faith that I will find one eventually. Of course the Army will up and move me and that will come to an end. I will just make an adventure out of trying to find a new friend.

Our base of people to find friends in can be pretty small if we are not social butterflies. Our units selection to pick friends from is pretty slim. I have found some really good friends this last year. It is a give and take relationship. I find friendships work best that way. Even if you can't give in the same way your friend does, give something in return. Offer lunch, dinner or just an ear that won't judge you or your problems. Never try to make yourself better than the other person. If you have many talents, play them down. I am very educated with a broad range of skills that can make me come across as a know it all. I try to not to share this info unless it is asked for. Pushy is not something I want to be.

There is always that one person though. That no matter how hard you try you just can't click with them. I have one of those. It bugs me because I can't seem to get to the bottom of why. We are on Facebook together, connected by the thread of our husbands unit. I met her at a dinner last November. Then got to know her better through my dearest friend here. She makes comments that are hurtful and sometimes makes no sense. I don't know why she would do this. I feel bad that she does. Like she is seeking attention, or perhaps is jealous of something. I don't know.

I speak what is on my mind in an intelligent way and think how it might affect the one it's spoken to. I can make someone happy, sad, angry by my words. We all can...if we think about them first. Determine the response we want. The aim for it. For me, I love to make people laugh. Many of my status updates are aimed at humor. Many times she doesn't get it so says something rude and off the wall. I had made a comment about OCD. She didn't get it. So I explained it. Instead of saying 'oh' her next remark was 'so you have OCD?' I rolled my eyes and said 'yes, as a matter of fact I do. but it doesn't bother me at all.'

Later that day my mother posted a picture of me from well about 26 years ago. I was 17 in the picture. Pre childbirth teen years. Now I will give the point that you can't understand emotion by words without using symbols or smileys to get a feeling across. If I don't see an emoticon I can only interpret what it said my way. So I interpreted her comment: 'That is YOU???' as OMG you are so old and fat and wrinkled now. I got about three messages within a minute of her posting that. They all took it that way.

I did the adult thing and sent her an email and told her how much she had offended me and that she should really think before she writes something on Facebook because people may not get what she is trying to say. I was straight forward and adult about it at the same time making it clear I was upset. One other time she commented how much better her life will be once she is an 'officers' wife. This got her another email from me (claiming my feelings.) I told her that comment came across that if I'm not an officers wife I am a no one. Again I had people that were just as upset as I was over the remark. I was the only one to say something. I tried very nicely to tell her when she said things like that it was alienating people around her.

My point being, every time she hurt me I would send an email and we would seem to get it worked out. Now we have today. I reposted an old post that I had also posted on Memorial day weekend.

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.Please remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you.JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. GOD BLESS THE USA!! AND HAPPY 4Th OF JULY!!!

So this is what she says:  'Jesus Christ died for our sins, not our soul.' I simply commented back that she seemed to be talking semantics because without him dying for our sins our souls would be doomed so it's kinda the same concept. The next thing I know I was unfriended. This has really bothered me because I have tried to work through everything with her. I even invited her to my birthday dinner last night. (that I ended up paying for without a thanks.) So I have decided I am no longer going to try to maintain this high maintenance friendship. People like her are life suckers. People like her want to have free reign to run their mouths but don't know what to do when someone stands up to them. And all I was doing was pointing out in that context it was the same thing.


What do you think? When does one know it's time to walk away and not try anymore? Am I the one being unreasonable? (Yes I can take criticism :) ) Have I given enough chances? With friends coming and going in the Army is she really worth it? I don't see her changing. She has had so many people go to her about how quickly she speaks without thinking and then hurting people.

I won't be around often for the next couple of months. I'll be checking in but my husband will be home soon then we're going on vacation.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Birthannimus Day

Deployment makes you lose a year of life. You go on existing, but things are lost. There is no way to regain the time or events that are in the past. Sometimes the events are big.

People all around you are celebrating with their family. Army spouses with children, even though they might be going through deployment are still celebrating the special days with their children. Yes, they still lose something, but they don't lose the entire day or season.

This year we have missed our birthdays, our anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and every little holiday in between.

My husband sent me an email and asked me what I wanted for my birthday, really wanted. That we should really do something to celebrate. Well, I really don't care that I'm going to be 43! But I love birthday's all the same. To me it is a day of family and good food. So I spent some time thinking about what we could do to celebrate. Of course he will not be home when the day comes so it still won't be the same. My birthday will come and go with me alone. Perhaps I will make some cupcakes and stick a candle in one. I don't mind.

For now anyway.

After some thought I responded to his email with the obvious. I just want him home for my birthday. Who wouldn't. Of course that wish is unrealistic so I continued with my thoughts on having a 'special day' that is OUR day. That we can celebrate everything we missed. We would set a budget and each go shopping for the other and buy gifts for everything we missed. We don't know yet if we will do a weekend getaway or maybe just a romantic dinner at home which to us is just as enjoyable if not more so. He has afterall been gone from our home for a year.

He responded back with, 'So you want to have a Birthannimus Day?' And our day was born. I have no idea if anyone else celebrates Birthannimus Day. And if they do, each one will be uniquely different to the next. It is a day that is not rushed by holiday shoppers or commercialization. It can be anything we want it to be. And it will always be ours. Of course with each deployment the actual day will change. But that is the great part about Birthannimus. It can be whenever it works best.

So for us there will be no more stressing about missed events. Because we will know when he is home that we have our special day to look forward to.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Keeping Busy

Time is moving fast now for me. Each day is one day less of this deployment and soon it will be behind us. I realize that my year of laziness is now going to catch up with me. Right now I am thankful I don't have little ones to chase after or intrude in my time and space.

My husband says the days are getting slower and slower for him. I seem to feel guilty that they are going by so fast for me when he is so miserable. His duties are slowing down now though. They are training the incoming, and preparing to depart. I can only imagine how the clock must seem to stop. For me, I see so much that I want to make sure is perfect for his return.

The yard is now a plush green grass instead of weeds. I am harvesting okra and tomatoes and a few peppers. The sunflowers are going to bloom and out on a beautiful show for his return. The daisies are thriving. The lawn needs to be mowed. The windows need to be washed. The pantry needs to be stocked. But there is jam in the freezer. Not enough. I still have peach and rhubarb (if I can even find it in Texas.) Cleaning carpets. It's amazing how dirty they get with just pets!

I don't know how I could have actually managed to have anything done sooner than now. I couldn't garden in the winter. That's the most important thing. The back yard anyway. It is a haven. It is the green and red and purple and yellow and white amongst all the gray and brown. It is where we have friends over to grill and just hang out. It is tranquility. It has also changed a great deal in the last year. For the better I imagine. But now I fear that he won't like it, and I spend hours everyday in the hot sun doing little things to make sure it remains as perfect as possible for him.

I come in to cool off and get so tired and look around the house and worry that I just won't get it done in time.

Then I think, it really doesn't matter. He won't notice a couple of rain drop stains on the windows, or a streak on the mirror. No matter what it looks like here, he will be home. And that's all that will matter to him.

The back yard

Magnolia Blossom on the tree he planted before he left.
 Okra (his favorite)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

What I really want.

I have had a bad week. I think bad is even putting it mildly but I will leave it there. Because of my bad week I have asked myself over and over, 'What do I really want?'

From Army life in general.

From friendship.

From my husband.

From my family.

Some of these were easy to answer. From the army, I just want the stability of knowing they do their best to take care of the spouse. From my family, nothing more than they already give and the occasional ear to cry into.

From my husband. Now it's going to get tricky. I do believe it just boils down to love and trust. We have never given the other a reason not to trust, but when you have two control freaks that each want things their own way it can become a challenge because when one has to be in control, one can't fully trust. That applies to decisions regarding finances, friendships, and daily life. One of us has to relinquish some control. Neither of us is willing to budge.

What do I want in a friendship? The hardest question. Also the question that I think has held me back from getting a friend in this Army life. I didn't have an easy time finding a 'good' friend before. Add in the stress and constant shifting of the Army way of life and it is compounded. I am a quiet, introverted home-body. I am also painfully shy and won't speak up because I fear rejection.

It was odd coming to that conclusion because I was an insurance agent until I retired a few years ago. I dealt daily with rejection. However, that was not personal.  This is.

We moved several times as a child. So my difficulties probably started then. I was in the same school for most of my life but when my father died during my 3rd grade at school we moved 2,000 miles away for a year. Then we moved once again for a short while when I was 13 or 14.

I did have a BFF. We spent all our time together and I have never found another friendship like that again. We lost touch for years when I moved away again to get married at 16. We now exist to each other not as BFF's but as someone we once knew that we say hi to and have an occasional chat once every five years. We are so different from each other. Life sure does change people. Not her perhaps. Very much me.

Back to what I want in a friendship. Someone with similar interests. That can hang out and we do hobbies that we each have in common. Someone that just wants to hang out and watch a movie, at home. Another person that likes the comforts of home without having to be out in public all time. Someone who avoids the rat race but someone that will go into the rat race when we both need to get out for a while. Someone that is close that we can lean on each other when we need it. Someone that doesn't suck the life out of me and take advantage of my giving nature. Someone that motivates and encourages. Someone that is not afraid to say enough is enough. Someone that is willing to take a stand for what is right without being rude, cruel or mean. There is always a way to kindly speak your mind. Even if you have to bite your tongue for a moment until the right words come. And the hardest thing, someone that I can trust. That doesn't take things I tell them in confidence and run to the next person to discuss what was said. Someone that wants to be my friend for me, for who I am. Not for who my husband is, or was or is going to be. Yes, I've dealt with that MANY times in the past.

Perhaps my expectations are just to unreasonably high. At 40+ though I don't need nor do I want the games that people play. I want to be me. I want them to be them. Give and take. No extremes.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The importance of friendship.

There are days when I just need someone. Someone that understands what I feel. Someone that has gone through deployment or is going through it.

I can always pick up the phone and call someone back home and they care. But they don't have that deep understanding of really 'knowing' what it's like.

Sure, I could go to counseling and talk to a therapist. I just have this uneasy feeling about doing that. That anything I say will somehow be recorded in some way and get back to my husbands unit. (Even when they say it's anonymous...)

I have a great marriage. I do not however have a perfect marriage. There are days I just want to scream from frustration. Those are the days I want a friend to talk to. To maybe get my mind off things. Just do something, anything. But I don't have any of those.

Today I feel the isolation problem stronger than any other time during this deployment. Maybe because it is nearing the end. How bad will the stress get as the days to redeployment get closer and closer.

I really try not to take it personal. I know that the families with children/family are busy. I don't hold it against them. I just want someone to unload my feelings, my frustration. Someone who won't judge me or think less of me. Someone who can be impartial and still be sympathetic. Someone who understands deployment and still able to talk outside of the realm of the military.


My husband has been my best friend and confidant for so many years and I really didn't need anyone else. Now, with the distance between us in miles a gap in our bond is forming. I have no doubt that will can fill in the gaps once we readjust to each other, but what do I do in the meantime? I need a 'Wilson' like on Cast Away. No, I have my pets for that. I need human interaction. Reaction. Face to face emotion.

I'm going to take a break for a couple of days. Work my way through this. I'll be back after the holiday weekend. Keep in mind why we have a Memorial Day, remember why we are free.

This video was made in 1986 and is just as powerful today as it was then.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Complex

I am seriously getting a complex!

I don't know many of the women here, some only by association. But I have tried to connect. For some it's just plain distance, for others I have no clue. Perhaps I have an odor. I try to make sure I've showered before I meet people, but I chase people away. ::smile:: I try to be reserved, but I can rattle on unintentionally when around humans. I try not to be a know-it-all. I try not to ask for help unless I have found absolutely no way out of a situation. I try to make myself available. When someone is sick I volunteer to take them a meal. When someone is in need I try to be there. I always try to do as much to help others as I possibly can. Perhaps it's because my house is plain, undecorated. We focus our energy outside on our yard. We aren't caught up with decorating inside or having 'Americana' decor all over. We occasionally buy one thing, if we both agree and it makes a statement or has a meaning to us.

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I try so hard. I could have gone the entire deployment without every meeting anyone in the unit and I honestly don't think anyone would have called to see if I actually existed. And the reason, in which I wholeheartedly believe, is that I have no children. When one has a child at home, there is some form of accountability. There is school at the very least. With a child one has more needs and emergencies. But should that exclude me?

What is it about women without children that others see as a 'disease.' I have raised children. I am knowledgeable about them. I wanted more children but God didn't have that plan for me, I have accepted that (well most of the time.) I sit here now and wonder if I treated childless parents the same way when my children were growing up. I hope not. I'm pretty sure I didn't. I know every weekend I went to play cards with a couple that were childless. I don't remember treating them differently.

The spouses are by no means cruel or mean. It is just that they have children or families to occupy their time. One person being alone is really no matter to them when they have someone taking up part of their lives. 

My energy levels aren't as high as a young spouse. Perhaps that it. I need notice and planning to do anything. I can't just do things on the fly anymore. I lost my spontaneity. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy things occasionally. I just need a little time.

There could be and probably are other things. I am almost twice as old as many. Our unit is very small. My husband is enlisted. But really, do any of those things make ME less of a person?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Shopping....UGH!

Once upon a time I used to LOVE shopping. Now I hate leaving the house. I'm sure that will change back to normal once my husband gets home. It can be some sort of escape even if I don't buy anything. But right now I have nothing to escape from except myself.

Come payday, I pay all my bills online either directly or through the bill pay option at my bank. I love the feeling of waking up on payday and getting everything done in less than a half hour without having to run from lace to place like we did in the 'old days.' I don't usually use the auto pay feature. I don't trust that the money will always be there. I like to see it before I spend it. Besides who wants to pay the overdraft fees that banks charge if we forget that an auto pay is coming out.

Once all the bills are taken care of I gather my list of groceries and coupons I have. I head to the commissary and get 7 gallons of milk (no that's not a typo), cereal, soup and a small loaf of bread and a few other things to sustain me. My list usually has everything I need on it but I inevitably forget half of it from just trying to grab what I need and get out of the store. So I get home and realize I am out of toilet paper or other household necessities.

About 8 months ago I saw an ad for Alice. I was intrigued. An online grocery that will remind me when I am out of things. So I tried it out. It was fantastic!! Alice even had cleaning supplies that I love but couldn't find in Texas!! The prices are comparable to the major stores and often better. PLUS, if there is a coupon available for the product, it is automatically applied. How great is that? Oh, to add to Alice's appeal everything you buy is shipped for FREE right to your door! Now for the catch. There is a minimum order of six items. And back to good news. It can be six items that cost $1. Alice also has a referral program that pays you if you get your friends to try it out and will give your friend $10 in their account once they have spent a total of $50. With that they put a percentage of what your friend spends into your account that you can redeem for cash! If you are interested in saving time and running and want to shop at Alice you can get $10 off once you spend $50 also. Just click through on any one of the links to get the bonus. And yes, if you click through me Alice will put a little bit of money on my account. So we are helping each other. I actively use Alice for my shopping and hope if you do try it you will find it as wonderful as I do. I almost forgot one of my favorite things that Alice has...postage stamps!! They are the same price as the post office and you don't have to wait in line for them!

After I shop at Alice, and I can get lost in there for a long time, I head over to Amazon and look for things I might want or need to send to my husband. Amazon does ship to APO for no additional charge!! Usually what I have done leading up to payday is wish list or even add to my cart things I have thought of. I try to stick with Amazon products or vendors that go along with the free shipping after spending $25. This can be a substantial savings. With books though I tend to go for the used ones which also cost a fraction even if I have to pay for shipping. If you've never tried Amazon  you can search and find almost anything you can imagine and then some. Amazon also has a grocery store. The biggest drawback is that everything is in bulk. I also don't think the prices are that great even in bulk. But just in case you would like to see for yourself, Search Amazon.com for groceries.

And that is about it for my shopping every two-three weeks. I hope you find that both Alice and Amazon can save you money and time!

First Deployment Issues

There are so many things that have to be learned from just going through it. I think the Army tries to prepare people for their deployment with SRP but still things are missed. Too much is happening to think of all the little things. Like who is going to do the yardwork, fix the car, fix the house, spray for bugs, you name it. Some of it might be set up but if you deploy right after PCS it's probably not.

And it really doesn't seem like much of an issue. But it is. For us anyway. For us I had to suddenly find all of the above mentioned people. The problem comes in when I made the decision who to hire. I searched the internet yellow pages, read the reviews and referrals and chose.

When I chose I didn't think it was a problem. Something came up. I took care of it. But each time it made my husband angry. I had left him out of the decision process. I think he is being unfair and irrational. He thinks I am being insensitive. I think I am helping. He thinks I am hurting. We have gone back and forth with different things. It comes down to two things for him. #1. My safety. #2. Him not being in control of his home.

There needs to be a ceremony where the spouse relinquishes control of the home to the one left behind then get it back when they return.

I have always managed our home. Made sure the bills are paid, food is bought, you name it. I'm the one in charge of the house. So I guess this problem is even more confusing as to WHY he suddenly feels that I am leaving him out of the decisions. This is also one of the times that I really feel it's a blessing not to have children to make decisions for.

It's nothing we won't get through. We always work things out and this is after all our biggest issue. I just wonder if anyone else has the same problem.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Keeping house.

Ok, I am living alone when my husband is deployed. The house never gets messy like it does when there are little kids running around. (Or my husband!) But things still get dirty and old. I have pets that can seem to make just as big of a mess as a two year old. I discovered the website FlyLady some time ago.Not all of the information was helpful but I was able to utilize a great deal and modify it to fit our life.

I will admit the system works SO much better when there is someone that comes in the door in the evening for dinner. But in some ways it has helped keep me on track. One of the main things was the home organization book.  It is easy to set up and the book walks you through it and even helps make it pertain to your life. Now, whatever I need to know is in one place and I don't have to go on a wild hunt tracking down phone numbers, warranties or medical information.

I am getting close now to redeployment and need to get myself back on some form of schedule now. I have had almost a year off from having to worry about dust bunnies in the corner. With the SHE system it helps put housework into bite size pieces so you don't spend half of your life cleaning the house.

If you have heard of the system, use the system or have even read the book I'd like to hear your thoughts on it. If you haven't read the book I highly recommend it.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Cooking for one.

This has to be one of the biggest challenges we face. And I will honestly admit my eating habits are some of the worst! My energy went with my husband. I guess my energy thinks it will be more of a benefit for him than for me. My energy didn't want to be alone so along with it she took my motivation.

Lacking now in both of those vital functions daily life is hard to get through. I will get the occasional visit from one of them but it never seems to be both at the same time.

I still have to tackle the chore of eating. And not just eating but making healthier choices because I have no energy to get rid of any extra calories I might consume.

Soup and Crackers.Yep, good old fashioned simple easy to digest Campbell's soup with some crackers. It fills me up, makes two meals and doesn't have an extraordinary high amount of fat and calories. Of course I'm not getting all my nutrients that way and since my appetite goes on vacation almost daily I have to supplement that. How? I get thirsty. This is where I bring in variety to my fabulous meal plan! Carnation Instant breakfast (I LOVE the strawberry), Boost, Special K protein shakes, even SlimFast (which has my nutrients and protein)

I manage quite well on that diet. I don't buy junk food lest I be tempted to eat it for a meal. Well, I don't buy it very often. Sometimes you just NEED some. So when I do buy junk food I get some form of muffin that gives the appearance of being healthy.

Then there are days here and there that I feel like cooking. I have always cooked for crowds. Learning to cook for just one is not easy. I find recipes and modify them a bit and depending on the food I will make more and freeze some for another homecooked meal on some other day. My collection of recipes is small but I am working on it and would like input of what you do for cooking for one.(I am going to try to find another hosting site for the recipes. This one requires a log in. If you want to see the recipes let me know and I will send you the log in info.)


Check out the recipes here.

Going It Alone

Today, well the past couple of days, I've been pretty down. I feel left out. Left behind. Having no children excludes me from a lot. Unless I want the questions, or the looks of 'Oh you don't have children here?' Or, the look that says 'at your age you're only an enlisted wife?' The looks hurt. I don't even think people know they give the look. It's a quick flash in their eyes. They recover quickly, say something nice and head off to the next person. They don't stop the find out more. To find out that my husband was old when he went back in. To find out I do indeed have children. They are grown with their own children.
Almost started feeling blue again and lost track of my focus for this entry. I wrote a letter today to Melissa at Her War Her Voice and in communicating with her today realized I was really only sitting back and feeling sorry for myself. So I did something about it. I created a group for military spouses that are either childless, part time parent or have grown children like me. It is a Facebook group but I encourage anyone reading and in the same situation to join. It is Going It Alone. Thank you Melissa for helping me find my voice. Maybe now I will even keep up with the blog.
I told my husband I wanted to do something to help people so they didn't have to feel as lost as I did. I just hope they can find me. When I did a search for deployment without children EVERY search result pertained to people WITH children. Hmmm..





Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Military Phonetic Alphabet

A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu
1: Wun
2: Too
3: Tree
4: Fower
5: Fife
6: Siks
7: Seven
8: Ait
9: Niner
0: Zeero

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Project Evergreen - Greencare for Troops

Greencare for Troops

This is a wonderful organization funded by Cub Cadet that gives help to military families with deployed soldiers to their lawn care. Here is an excerpt from their website: GreenCare for Troops is a nationwide outreach program coordinated by Project EverGreen that connects local green industry professionals with men and women serving our country in the armed forces away from home.

I signed up with them in August 2009. There is a disclaimer that I would be contacted when a volunteer was available in my area. I didn't hear anything back until January 2010. A volunteer family came in and cleaned my back yard, mowed, pulled weeds and just did an overall cleanup of the mess winter left behind.

I encourage you to either become a volunteer if you are capable of helping someone or signing up to have someone help with your yard.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A little late.

That title covers a great deal of topics in the last two years of my life. The biggest being that at age 40 my husband reenlisted into the US Army. He'd been there before before he was even 20. It is a first for me. Because, even though I had heard it, I never really 'understood' that being married to a soldier meant I married the Army too.

A little late in that he is already 8 months into his Iraq deployment. It took me 7 months to find myself. There are no kids at home, we moved 1500 miles away from family and friends and there is really no FRG for family members with no children.

I have had this sense since he went back in that because I'm over 40 I'm old hat at this Army stuff and should just know which direction to go. Who to talk to about what. How to fill out 20 pages of forms for any little thing that is needed. And also wondering, does anyone really know any of this??

I want this blog to be a help to the older new Army wives. The ones who feel as lost and alone as I have. I have been blessed to meet another lady who has grown children and has been there and done that. She has been a pillar of support for me. I wish I could have met her two years ago.

I will apologize now, I am not a writer. My grammar is awful. I am just going to put it in here and hope what information I can share will help someone.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

OPSEC/PERSEC

OPSEC, also known as Operational Security, is the principle that we, as Army wives and Army family members, should all abide by when talking about our soldiers. If you’ve been on any military related message board on the internet, you have more than likely seen a warning to be sure to practice OPSEC. This means protecting the information you know about your soldier and his unit.

Generally, it means that you should not give out the following:

  • Your soldier’s exact location overseas
  • Any information on troop movements – this includes any movement while they are deployed and in transit to/from theater (including R&R). Do not ever give dates or times.
  • Any information on weapons systems, how they train or numbers – for this reason, many pictures from overseas can easily violate OPSEC

If your soldier is in a special operations unit, the OPSEC guidelines can be stricter. You may not be able to say he is deployed at all much less where he is. His unit and/or FRG should provide the OPSEC guidelines for these situations.

Always abide by the rules set forth by his unit. Just because it is on the news does not mean that you can talk about the issue. By talking about it, you are only verifying the information.

CORRECT:
My soldier is deployed in support of Iraqi Freedom or Enduring Freedom

INCORRECT:
My soldier is in XYZ Unit and is stationed at ABC Camp in XXX city in Iraq.

Give only general locations IF his unit allows it. The above incorrect statement is entirely too much information.

INCORRECT:
My soldier’s unit is returning from deployment and flying into XYZ Airport at 8pm next Thursday.

Never give dates or times for troop movements. Keep in mind that “next Thursday” is a date. This includes R&R dates as well as deployment and redeployment dates. Planes have been delayed for days or weeks because an excited family member made this information public.

INCORRECT:
Please pray for my soldier. He called today and told me he is going out on a very dangerous mission tonight. They will be gone for three days and I’m very worried about him.

When our soldiers are in dangerous situations, it is natural to want to reach out to others. But the above statement puts your soldier and his unit in danger. You could have very well just alerted the enemy about their mission.

It is important to realize that putting together the bits and pieces needed to create the larger picture can be amazingly simple on the internet. Many mistakenly believe that if they don’t talk about it all at once, the information is safe. This is wrong and dangerous to assume.

The internet is a wonderful tool but in regards to our military, it is a very dangerous one as well. It takes only minutes of searching online to find enough pieces of information that could potentially endanger our soldiers.

Deployment Tickers

Many family members like to use deployment tickers to count down their soldier’s deployment. Never have a ticker that shows XX days until he returns. If you must have a ticker, then have one with the amount of time he has been gone. Although it is best to not have this type of ticker at all.

Finally, for your own personal safety, be very aware of what you are putting on the internet or saying in conversations in public. With the internet, it is not difficult to track down an address and phone number. Do not make yourself a target by letting the world know that your husband is deployed.

PERSEC

PERSEC is also known as personal security. Like OPSEC, this involves guarding the information that you know. Do not give out your soldier’s name along with rank. This includes blacking out his name tape and rank in pictures. If he is in a special operations unit, you should also black out any unit affiliation.

Be vague about your personal information as an Army wife or Army family member on the internet. This is plain common sense in just every day life – regardless of if your family member is in the military.

The old saying loose lips sink ships still holds true today. Keep your soldier, your family and his unit safe by keeping the information you know to yourself. You never know who is lurking and gathering information on message boards, MySpace pages, Facebook, Twitter and other online profiles. Better safe than sorry!