Meet my husband.

I go on and on about how I feel. Woe is me, blah blah blah. We all know the feeling. It's time for a pity party and it's all about ME!

That however is not fair to my husband. It's not fair to who he really is and why we are really here.

We were taking a silly quiz the other day. One of the questions was your most admirable trait. For him I immediately knew it was LOYALTY. He has many many admirable traits, but that one stuck out the most.

We would all like to think we're loyal but minds can often be changed. A prospective employer offers us more money, less hours and better benefits. We're very likely to tell our employer of ten years 'see ya later.' I know I have. Not my husband.

My husband was self employed in the years he was out of the Army. He would always sacrifice his own well being to make sure he gives who he is working for his very best. Even if it meant getting paid less or not at all. The same goes for his Country.

He was in the infantry 20 some years ago. Watching the news after 9-11 got to both of us. I would cry and he would get more and more anxious to do something to help. He had 'brothers' there getting injured and killed. Sitting at home watching it was driving him crazy.

My husband feels guilt. I couldn't understand why he should feel guilty and we discussed it last night. He blames himself for putting me in this 'Going it alone' position. I don't know how to alleviate that guilt. Without him reenlisting I would not have known there was this abyss of women that are 'going it alone.' I have a desire to help people and he has given me that opportunity as well as gaining for himself the opportunity to help others.

I want to share with you what he wrote in a Facebook post: "When I decide to be loquacious I can usually find the words I need to express myself. My technique is to babble incessantly knowing that eventually the gist of what I'm trying to say will come across. However there are no words to describe ...the hurt I feel knowing what I've put my dear wife through. The guilt I feel knowing that Robin is suffering and sacrificing so much because of a decision I made is now a part of my daily life. I want to thank, from my heart, everyone helping to ease her burden. If I could give each one of you a hug and a kiss I most certainly would. Thank you. And Robin, I love you."

I can feel the pain in those words he wrote. I want to reassure him I am fine. Even on the days when I complain and things don't go my way. I have never been so proud and so in love with anyone in my entire life. I want him to understand that without him reenlisting I wouldn't have these opportunities I've been presented with. 

I share some of my innermost feelings, not to lash out at him or others, but so that someone else that may be going through something similar doesn't need to feel alone. By reaching out to people I don't feel so alone. There are days, we all have them, when we want or need to feel sorry for ourselves. That's life. It just happens to be the time when I write to get out what I'm feeling inside. It is never meant to make my husband sound like an awful person. 


Thank you honey from the bottom of my heart for being my knight in digitized camo. You are my hero.



Yes, the loneliness is there on days. On the days I choose to let it exist. All I need to do is reach out. Going It Alone is growing slowly. It has helped me feel not so alone and I hope it will help others too.