Scatter brained

I'm all over the place. Hubby leaving after R&R, tragic death in family, fires destroying so much of Texas. So I should say I'm not physically all over the place. My mind is. I want to be with my family but need to stay close to home because of fire hazards. I cry for a while, then I laugh. Then I wander. I don't have any plans, I need plans. I just can't make any. None that stick anyway. Then I get angry at myself for being so sad for so many I don't know.

Death messes with me. Tortures me. Haunts me. I wonder if it would be different if my father hadn't died when I was eight. If I hadn't had to have faced loss to someone so close so soon.

I ask God why he lets me hurt for every death I hear about or read. Why can't I just say "wow that sucks" and move on?

I will find my peace soon. Dale will have a funeral, the fires will end, hubby will be home (eventually.)

Bear with me, I promise I'll snap out of it stronger and more resilient. I just don't feel like being strong and resilient right now.

Please forgive any crazy typos I might have missed. I'm posting from phone.

Death

It seems to be everywhere lately, or always. Those closest to me have suffered many losses this last year. Time and time again I read all the posts of sympathy. Time and time again I get so angry. Yes, this is me ranting on my little soap box. There are just some things you should never say to someone that has lost a loved one.

1. "I know how you feel." REALLY?? No you don't! You know how you felt when you lost someone but you don't know what someone else feels. Loss is personal and unique to each and every person. No one knows how someone else feels. We can have empathy or we can sympathize but we cannot really KNOW.

2. "They are happy now in heaven with Jesus." ARGHHHH!!! I am a Christian, but the LAST thing I want to hear is that someone I love is in heaven. I do NOT want them in heaven. I want them here with me.

3. "You are in my prayers." Ok. maybe they are being honest. I don't use the phrase though. I can't get myself to say meaningless words. I pray. But I can't say to someone for sure that they will be in my prayers. What if I forget? Then I am a liar.

Yes, my family suffered a loss today. A young man that was good and had a little daughter on the way. I hurt so much for them. I can't be there because the airlines want between $600 and $1800 for the ticket to get home. (really!) I am choosing rather to send money to my brother to help with the expenses. But I feel helpless. I want to be there to help and clean and cook and let them cry and cry with them.

My sister in law offered me these words of comfort today. "Just something I need to say... PLEASE remember why you are there and what a sacrifice you and Mikey are doing not only for the good of our family, but for the good of everyone!!! We all love you both so much and know that if you were here, you would be here taking charge and keeping everyone in line!" 


Those words meant so much to me. I was so depressed and down thinking how much they needed me, but they understand and beyond.


Oh, I wandered. Mind you, these are my opinions about death. What I say to others is very simple. "I'm sorry. You are in my thoughts." Those words are honest and spoken very truthfully from the heart. Yes, a prayer will be sent up but I just can't promise it in writing. I don't even say I'm here if you need me because I can't commit to honestly being there WHENEVER someone needs me. I'm not being selfish. I'm being honest. 

Things

A place for everything and everything in its place. Words I was raised by, words I live by. My husband is a bit more laid back. It was a clash between us until I learned to relax a little about things being out of order and him realizing how much things lying around drove me crazy.

When he is deployed I slip back into my orderly life. But I notice now that I miss his things being out of place. To most with my orderly personality it could be a source of constant annoyance. To me the things are reminders he is here.

He just left this morning after a two week R&R. I wandered around for a couple hours lost, like I always do when he leaves. I started the laundry and picking up things. Each 'thing' I pick up now reminds me that he is gone and I won't see the things for a long time. It was tempting me to leave some things out. I might yet. As I'm cleaning I might just find something of his that needs to be left out. To remind me that he is a part of my life and will return soon.

Why don't they matter?

Since the Chinook crashed a couple days ago I have watched the news and kept an eye on status updates on Facebook. Over and over again I hear about the Navy Seal team 6. 20 of them. Always in the back of my mind was the question who were the other 10? Why aren't they talked about? Why don't they matter?

I'm sure the posts on facebook were well meaning. Until the rose post about 31 special forces yesterday everything I saw mentioned Seal team 6. It is awful they lost so many! But there were TEN other Americans too. They are loved by someone. They are someone's family. They belonged to a unit of men and women that are devastated over their loss.

My husband echoed my feelings today. I was thankful because I thought maybe it was just me.

I watched the news a little closer today. Sure enough, CBS evening news talked about the crash. They started with 30 American soldiers killed. Then went on to say 20 with the now famous Navy Seal team 6 and not one other mention of the other 10. I did send them a message.

My ramblings tonight don't seem to make much sense. Just please keep in mind, whether it's one soldier lost or 30, they were each special to someone. They each deserve respect and mourning. No one should ever be left out. Of course we don't hear much about the one or two soldiers that get killed here and there. The news doesn't make them important. But we CAN.

Don't jump on the 'reposting' bandwagon. Actually read the post. Think about the post. Can you make it more sincere? Can you make it personal?


*I was going to try to post news articles. They are all so varying and confusing. Each one is different. I guess I will never know, but they DID matter to me.

Walgreens says NO

 The correspondence is in reverse. My last reply being on top of the emails I received. I did delete personal addresses etc because I am not running a campaign aimed at any one person. It is against a company that is money hungry and selfish and so unwilling to change.

Unsure what I'm talking about? See original post here:

To any representative of Walgreens that might read this. I might not have many followers through Blogger. I promise you the word IS getting around. It is not that I needed Register Rewards. I don't. It was great when I was able to save so much off my grocery bill, but I will survive. I pray for the families that are struggling more though, that relied on that to get a gallon of milk or loaf of bread to put dinner on the table. Shame on you Walgreens, shame.

**********************************************************************************************

Thank you for trying Vince.

I appreciate what you have done. I am now relaying this to the military community. I will say it is extremely disappointing as I loved shopping at Walgreen's but will not continue to go if they are so unwilling to work with the military or commissaries. I know I do not stand alone. 

Sincerely,

Robin H

---

From: "Vince


Hello,

Ms Howard,


I apologize for this taking so long.  However, I want to let you know our company is firm in it's stance to put "redeemable only at Walgreens" on our register rewards.
The response is below.  My boss and I pushed this all the way up to our legal department and lobbied for the military families to have an exemption.  
But the following is the stand by our company.  


I'm sorry for this issue.  If I can be of any assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to call or email.


Sincerely,


Vince
********************************************************************************
Hi Vince


I am sorry it took awhile to get a response for you, but we had to forward this to our legal department. What we heard back from legal was that they were not going to change the language on the register rewards. The change was not directed at military base shops but at all other retailers, whether military or civilian.


Thank You,

The OpsAdminSupport Team
Walgreens Family of Companies.


**************************************************************************


It is doubtful, but perhaps if enough people sign they will reconsider. I think it will take more than a petition. It will take people simply saying NO to Walgreens. I will miss the sales, but absolutely will not support big business that tosses military families to the side for their own selfish gain. 


Sign Petition Here.  


UPDATE: 8-4-11 6:00pm

I just received this note back, there is still hope but don't give up sharing and passing the word. They need to know we are serious. 


"I'm sorry...I just got another email just now that this may be under review again by our executive team..I'll update you if anything changes.
My apologies
Vince"

Don't create panic

As some of you may already know a soldier was arrested in Killeen, TX this morning. There have been so many rumors flying! Here is an article about Pvt. Nasser Jason Abdo. Google it, you'll find quite a few more articles. Just make sure it's news and not opinion.

My understanding of the situation is he was arrested originally for being AWOL and child pornography. He was found with items that were suspicious and later today might face charges for possession of bomb making paraphernalia.The main and most important thing is this: There was NO incident ON Fort Hood. There was never an attack. It was someones plan. But they GOT him. This from Ft Hood.

First let me say, this is NOT to defend him. I think he needs to be at the very least prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I will keep deeper personal feelings to myself. Well I have to say this: When you enlist in the army don't you enlist KNOWING you are probably going to deploy to a war zone?

The main point of why I am writing is that I was ashamed of what I was seeing posted on Facebook. One person, an army wife with more years experience than I have, was posting panic on her wall. She ended her update with "please pray for me."

I wanted to lash out at her personally. I can be rather harsh so I chose not to. I was so upset with this call to panic that I did unfriend her. I believe that if there is news, REAL news, it is okay to repost. Not news from some off the wall place but impartial mainstream news. Never should anyone make something it is not. I expect that from all people. More from an Army wife.

I question everything I read or hear. I search it out. I think inciting panic because you jump to conclusions is shameful. If you don't know what's going on, ask first. I've done that. IE: the fires on Ft Hood recently. That was another rumor mill. I went back and commented to my question that the fires weren't bad and were under control. Not 'OMG, they're coming this way!'

OPSEC/PERSEC is drilled into us by many directions. FRG discusses not spreading rumors but to find a reliable source to get the correct information. I believe that needs to be drilled just as hard as OPSEC/PERSEC.

Yes, sometimes things happen that are scary or make our stomachs wrench. But that is no excuse for spreading rumors and inciting panic. Think before you post about these things.

I am not talking about personal feelings on things. We all have those with a great deal of variances. That's what makes us unique. But those should only be about ourselves and never to start a rumor about someone or someplace else. 

The life of a military spouse is stressful enough. It does not need to be made more stressful from unnecessary rumors.

Well meaning people.

We have a wide and far spread network of friends. I love my friends. I just wish sometimes they could 'get it.'

I consistently get emails from them. That's a good thing right? Well yes and no. They are pretty much standard short one line emails. They almost always go like this:

"Just wanted to say hi and check on your hubby. All is well here."

I always respond with "He is doing well, all is good."

What I wish they could get is, that once in a while, those people that send the email would stop and ask 'how are you doing?'

Of course my response would be 'great!' But it would just be the thought that they stopped to ask about me. I don't really blame them. They don't know any better. They don't know the sacrifices that we make right along with our spouses. The fears that we live with daily. The additional stressors we have in our lives. I always think too it would be better if they just asked HIM how he is doing. He loves getting mail. He would love to know people are thinking about him. I always relay the message, but it's not the same. He might not be able to respond right away, and he will probably even forget. But just let him know. Second hand caring just isn't the same.

Perhaps they are hoping for something I can't give. Information that is private that I probably don't even know. I don't know. My husband and I are secret keepers. We don't tell each other anything unless that person has told us to tell the other. That includes information he knows about himself and movements, missions, etc.

I would love to know every move he makes. It would make me feel more secure knowing where he was every moment. But then again, it could make my life a living hell. I probably don't want to know when he is outside the wire, in fact I'm sure I don't. I prefer my pretend world where is always safe and secure in his CHU.

How are you?

I hate that question. Really I do. Chances are I feel awful but my conditioned response is generally 'Great! And you?'

I sometimes wonder how far peoples mouths would drop if I actually told them the truth. That I am in constant pain. That I'm tired. That I just don't know how I can deal with all of it one more day. But I don't. I remind myself constantly it could be worse. It used to be worse. There are others worse than myself. It's so hard to remember those little things when I have a bad day though.

Here it is. I am going to lay it out. It might explain why my posting is sometimes sporadic and why what I do runs in cycles. The whole honest truth. Well maybe not all of it. And this is the last you will hear of it. I am not a complainer. Not about my health anyway. I can find enough things to complain about without it.

I don't let it get to me. I do my work and errands to the best of my ability regardless of how I feel. I don't whine and complain, I just do it and get it over with. We all have problems. No one wants to hear them ALL the time. 

10 years ago I had a minor operation that went bad. I developed peritonitis, pancreatitis and my colon was perforated in 4 places. The surgeons did not expect me to make it. They had called my family in and when I was to be transferred for emergency surgery my family was told I would die on the way to their chosen hospital an hour away (by ambulance, not by car.) I underwent five hours of surgery that night. I was told they took everything out and then put it all back in. That my abdomen was filled with infection. The next day they drained a liter of fluid off my left lung. It had only filled 75% and they felt it was less likely to collapse than my right which had completely filled. One more day and they reopened my abdomen and repeated the five hour surgery. I was in ICU for a long time. I don't remember much. I then moved to a private room and spent a month getting to know the staff very well. But I was strong and pulled through. I have undergone many surgeries since and have incidental problems but it's okay. I'm sitting here writing about it so it's all good.

In 2005 I had a pain in my lower back. Within days I couldn't move and my entire right side had gone numb. They put me in the hospital on really strong pain meds that were awful! Neurologists poked pins at my leg and feet. This test that test. Nothing. I went to see a newly graduated family doctor that suggested it was Psoriatic arthritis. Testing showed it indeed was. Not sure what that is? Most don't. The easiest way to explain it is to say I have rheumatoid arthritis. They are identical in symptoms and treatments. The only difference is the RA factor in the bloodwork. Now, if you don't know about RA either it is not just arthritis.  It is an autoimmune disease. I get sick if someone 2 miles away sneezes. Mornings are awful and I have to curl up into a ball and roll to get out of bed. I am tired. The treatment is a chemotherapy drug called methotrexate that I inject once a week and a TNF drug called Simponi. (You might have heard of some of these in commercials. Enbrel and Humira are advertised often.) I choose the one I'm on because it is one shot a month and is relatively painless in comparison to Enbrel and Humira which both make me cuss like a sailor when they are injected. (It's so bad I cannot inject myself!) This medication further attacks the immune system and by doing that slows the progression of the disease. Notice I said slows. I wish I could have written stops the progression. I battle chronic bronchitis, pneumonia and any bug that floats by. I go through gallons of hand sanitizer. When I know there is a virus outbreak I panic and look for my masks. But I'm okay. Five years ago I was in a wheelchair. Then I used a can for months. Now I mostly walk on my own except for very long treks, but I try. On those occasions I have to take my wheelchair and push it as far as I can before I let someone push me. I detest it!! But I fight it. I try to keep as active as I can and wish I could do more. The fatigue I battle on a daily basis wins very often. The treatment causes more fatigue. **I talked my doctor into letting me try methotrexate pills until my hubby comes home and can do my shots again. Score!**

The last thing, which I believe is related to the first thing is metabolic disorder. This is the one that I wish I could beat the most. It is terrible. It includes:

• Obesity, particularly around your waist (having an "apple shape")
• A systolic (top number) blood pressure measurement higher than 120 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) or a diastolic (bottom number) blood pressure measurement higher than 80 mm Hg
• An elevated level of the blood fat called triglycerides and a low level of high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol — the "good" cholesterol
• Resistance to insulin, a hormone that helps to regulate the amount of sugar in your body (I lost part of my pancreas during all my surgeries.)
• Hypothyroidism (actually linked to the syndrome as a cause)

Out of that list of five things I have 5 out of 5. The obesity to me is the worst. Between the surgery and the syndrome I look like I'm nine months pregnant and can't find nice clothes that will fit my body AND cover my belly. I have this thing about being overweight. I am losing now because my blood sugar is getting a little crazier. I have to monitor it often. Yep, more needles. I hate needles. Thank goodness they are tiny but when I am suppose to check four times a day it becomes too much. Honestly, I do not check it that often. Just can't get myself to do it. My fingers start to hurt. Hypothyroidism also makes you gain weight. It also makes you VERY tired. As far as the obesity...I eat like a bird. Honestly. You could ask anyone that knows me. (I lost part of my stomach too in that earlier part.) I eat one meal a day. Unless you want to call the handful of pills I take in the morning a meal. It's the combined illnesses that cause the obesity. Short of starving myself there is nothing I can do. I used to judge people that were obese. I think it is my punishment. I no longer judge.

There is more. They seem to me to be incidental and don't bother me often. I think it's all the little incidentals though that get to me the most.

I miss going to the gym. I miss going for walks. Hiking. Biking. I miss my energy the most. I hate having to force myself to do things I love. So if you don't hear from me for long periods of time it's only because I'm tired. I am so glad that my hubby is laid back and relaxed. I know there are times though that he wants to do things or go places and I just can't get myself to go anywhere. It's why I don't attend functions at night. It's why I don't do many things. One thing I hate though is if I say no today, please ask me next week because I might be up to it. No one does. Oh well.

And there you go. You now have a little insight into my life. Now you might see why I dread the question 'How are you?' It is also spurred from the constant whiners in my life that are always miserable and make it vocal and don't do anything because they don't feel well.

My Passion

Perhaps it started with 9-11. Perhaps hubby reenlisting in the Army and being exposed to certain things increased my passion. The November 5th shootings. Yeah, that helped it along too.

All around the world the fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, they all contributed.

So what IS my passion? Emergency preparedness. Strange passion huh? Not really. It is merely a passion that has put me and my family in a more stable position. There are many facets to emergency preparedness.

There is no right or wrong way to prepare for an emergency. Let me take that back. There is a wrong way. It's called doing nothing and hoping that your neighbor (or FEMA) will be there to help. Think back to hurricane Katrina. Look at what happened in New Orleans. In a matter of 3 days the society broke drown and anarchy abounded. The videos scare me, but they are very real. It DID indeed happen. No water, no food, no medical supplies. No people to help. The only one anyone could depend on for a long while was themselves.

That's where being prepared comes into play. It is different for each person. If you live in a hurricane zone you need to plan accordingly. Same for tornadoes, floods or whatever natural disaster would likely occur where you live.

My biggest 'disaster' concern is our countries financial situation. Yes, that is a big one. If a budget deal isn't work and people don't get the checks from the government whether it's Social Security or military or any other reason there are going to be many people hurting. It will be a trickle effect. Or more like a flood of financial instability. The cost of everyday things will sky rocket overnight. I would hope that this type of thing could be worked out quickly, but I still want to be ready. I don't want to be in debt and have money to survive on if needed.

There are also extremists. The ones that prepare for everything. I guess that would be nice but it would be very costly and very time consuming to be ready for every possible contingency. You really have to think about where you are and go from there.


For the sake of covering the most ground I will write about a natural disaster. It seems this has been the year for tornadoes so I will focus on that. The picture is a before and after of Joplin Missouri from a tornado that hit May 23, 2011.

A tornado rips through your town during the day. Almost everyone is at work or school.

Power is out.
Phone lines are down.
Cell towers are knocked down or the lines are too busy and you can't get through. 
Roads are blocked with debris.

It could take days before your power is restored. Your water supply might be contaminated or not working at all.

Does your family know where to meet up? What if your house was destroyed?

The food in your refrigerator will start to spoil after 24 hours.

If there is flooding that came with the tornado it could make the situation even worse.

If people don't have water or food they will go looking for it. The store shelves will empty fast. It doesn't take long for looting to start. Desperate people do desperate things. It is sad but it is true. I want to be someone who is not desperate.

The CDC recommends to store at least a 3-day supply of water for each person and each pet (try to store a 2-week supply if possible). Please, do not forget your pet. They get hungry and thirsty too.

You need to have at least 3 days food that is shelf stable or made for long term storage. I will go into more detail later about long term food storage. (It is there that lies the heart of my passion.) Think of foods in a can that be eaten uncooked. There are always MRE's but they are my least favorite food. I've tried most of them out of curiosity and suppose if I had to live on them I would. But there are much cheaper alternatives.

Have a well stocked first aid kit. One of those little kits will work great if someone gets a sliver but your first aid kit should be stocked enough that at a minimum it fills a tackle box. Pain relievers, gauze, tape, antibiotic, alcohol, peroxide and many other things I could write a separate blog about. Toss in a deck of cards or small activity books along with pad of paper and pencils too. Those can go a long way toward mental health when there is no television or your books are ripped to shreds laying in your neighbors lawn.

Keep a bag packed for each member of the family with quick foods, water, change of clothes and first aid too. If your home is destroyed or facing destruction you might not have time to grab what you need to get out. Having bags ready and checking them every three months (as the seasons change) you can ensure they are supplied with the right clothes and replace food so it doesn't get stale or spoil.

I realize as I'm writing there is no way to cover everything I want in one single post. I also won't overwhelm you with going on and on. Which I've already done. If you want to learn more or follow me along on this passion journey of mine then check out my other blog (just getting starting but I will be covering all sorts of topics from preparedness to self reliance and financial independence)

If your interest is piqued about long term food storage being my deepest passion check out Shelf Reliance. I will also be at the Fort Hood Army Wives Expo on September 10 at the Killeen Civic Center if you are in the area and want to see first hand.

CDC is a great resource. Check them out too.

Killing Time and making money.

*I am editing this post to show you that I actually DO make money from the points/rewards programs.*

I don't need to tell you that the military doesn't pay the highest for your spouses chosen profession.

I wanted to feel that I was making some form of financial contribution to our household to supplement the (insert sarcasm) generous income we receive from the Army. Well, more than my retirement income anyway. These are ways to do that regardless of your own circumstances. Disabled, retired, SAHM or working outside the home.

The nice thing with all of these options is if I don't want to bother with them I don't have to. I can work when I want to to kill spare time or not do anything to spend time with my husband when he is home.

I also have plenty of spare time. I thought I would share with you some of the ways that I earn an extra $400-600 a month. It's not all at once, the money comes in sporadically but it always comes in handy. Some of it is in the form of Amazon gift cards. I love that though because I ship so much overseas from Amazon. Once you spend $25 the shipping is free so it saves me a great deal in shipping charges!

One of my favorite ways to 'earn' extra income is to use coupons. I save 50-80% on shopping therefor doubling or more any money spent.

In this receipt I 'made' $231! I made it because I was able to buy that much more without having to spend any money. Adding value to each dollar I spend. I do not do extreme couponing. I do not clear shelves. Those people drive me crazy. I spend money out of my pocket because I will always need bread, milk and meat. (Things you don't usually find coupons for.)

I spend approximately 20 hours a week looking at sales and matching them, clipping coupons and organizing my trips. It is a part time job and if you want to do it you have to be serious. I would be glad to help if I can, but it's too much for this post. If you are interested enough I could do a series on how I do it. But I won't unless there is some interest.

**Regarding internet printed coupons** Use MyPoints, SwagBucks or InboxDollars to print your coupons. You get 10 points from each for every one that you use!** That will really increase earning potential. 

The one I have done the longest, long before the Army, is MyPoints. They send you an email, you click the link and get 5 points. You can do that alone or if you are going to buy something online click through their website and really rack up points. I consistently get gift cards for wherever I want from MyPoints and highly recommend it.

Check it out here. 

My newest favorite is Swag Bucks. In two months I have earned $45 in Amazon gift cards. The trick to swag bucks is to use their search engine. If you don't it could take forever to get points. Some tips on getting the most from it:

• Log in everyday 1SB
• Daily Poll (in earn tab) 1SB
• Check Trusted Surveys (in earn tab) 1SB
• NOSO (in earn tab) 2SB-you do not need to fill out the offers, just skip the offers to the end 
• Fill out your profile (you will find these when you click on trusted surveys under where it says 'welcome back.' They are worth 5SB each.

There are 5 swagbucks just for a minute of looking. If you want to try a survey you might get lucky occasionally and get a bunch of swagbucks. You will have better luck getting these once all your profiles are filled out.

They have many options on how to cash out your points. I choose Amazon because it seems to be the best value for the points required. Getting cash to Paypal requires more points. For me chances are I'm going to spend on Amazon anyway. 

Check it out here.

Crowdtap
This is a new one to me. In one month though I earned enough to cash out and 5% goes to a charity of my choice (Red Cross) and Crowdtap matches my donation. They also have opportunities to get free products from places like Old Navy. You have to fit a specific demographic and I have so far been too old. Go figure. :) You do 'Quick Hits' to level up to get better offers and earn more. Right now they pay in Amazon gift cards but will be adding more options.

Check it out here. 

 

MyView
This is a survey site. You get points for just trying to qualify for a survey which makes it more worth my time. I hate trying to qualify for surveys and get nothing. I just started this one and am half way to cashing out already.

Check it out here.

Almost half way there and I don't put much effort into it.

One I came across today is Superpoints. It is similar to the others. You just click a 'lucky button' and get points. It is by invitation only so you have to click the link to join. Same thing, cash, gift cards, etc. (*Edit* This one is great!!)

Mystery Shopping.

Yes, it IS real. It is also not the easiest job in the world. The 'shop' might not take more than 10 minutes but you will spend 2 hours overall doing paperwork. That includes applying for the job and filing reports. You might also want to consider drive time. I have done all kinds of shops from fast food to retail. If you are interested in learning more about mystery shopping let me know and I will give you more information. There is just too much for information for this little blog. Keep in mind: NEVER PAY TO BE A MYSTERY SHOPPER!! Meaning that if someone says become a mystery shopper for $$ fee stay away. You will however probably have to pay up front for your meal or merchandise which you will reimbursed for. The companies I work for pay fast and usually by Paypal. Some are by check and one is by direct deposit. This is self-employment and you will receive a 1099 at the end of the year that you will pay taxes on. Your expenses are deductible so you need to keep really good records. (Google docs keeps track of everything for me.)

There it is. I don't make a fortune, far from it. But what I make in small amounts usually covers household shopping expenses. I also do not go shopping more than once a week, my goal is only once every two weeks. That is a long day because I visit all the stores in one day. Very tired by the end of it!

As always, if you have any comments or questions let me know. I'll gladly answer them.

Robin

**Obviously this post contains affiliate links, or better stated, referral links.**

Feeling Loss

I have spent my life with this motto: I reject your reality and replace it with mine. It worked pretty well for me. I lived in my happy little world.

It really wasn't that simplistic but I never saw a big world. I knew it was there but it never mattered as long as the people closest to me were all safe and happy nothing else really mattered. I know that sounds selfish. I was young and small town naive.

When I saw the second plane crash into one of the World Trade Center buildings on September 11 my view of the world changed. It might have only been on tv but it was real. The only other time I had witnessed such tragedy was when the space shuttle Challenger exploded in 1986. I never watched another launch. This was no where close to that. This affected the safety of our country. The false sense of security that I had living in small town USA that nothing bad ever happens to good old America.

I have mentioned before that I became a news addict after 9-11. I cried for the loss of lives that day and I cry for each and ever soldier that is lost since. I'm not a political person. I honestly do not know the political reason of why we are fighting and have soldiers in so many different areas. To me it all boils down to taking a stand. I do know about taking a stand. Digging in my heels and no one is going to budge me.

My rambling really is boiling down to a specific thought. I just want you to see where I'm coming from. If you're a military wife you might already understand. But so many don't.

Back to shedding tears for soldiers lost. I have honestly done this every day when I read the news about another soldier lost for whatever reason. I feel a very real sense of loss. I don't know the person. I have never been to their home. They are a complete stranger. But I cry. That soldier WAS a part of someone's life. I cry for their loss.

Recently an event happened that was 'close' to me. No, I still do not know the soldier. But it was too close. I won't go into details but I will say it shook me to the core and shredded away whatever my little reality had been with my husband going into a war zone. I could no longer lie to myself. My husband is fine. Let me say this, he is in no more danger now than he ever has been. The ONLY thing that changed was MY perception. It was always easier to pretend that nothing could ever happen. It was an event that happens far too often in a war zone. It was just that it was 'closer' to home. A soldier was lost. It felt as if I had lost had brother. ME. I lost someone. Someone I do not know. Someone that someone loved.

I'm sure that sounds confusing. But I need to get this out of me. I have had to learn a new reality in the last week. I will adjust. I always adjust. I have cried more, worried more and have looked at things in a completely different light.

I went to the memorial service today for the soldier that was lost. I knew it was a memorial service for some other soldiers that were also lost in June. When I opened the memorial program I slowly turned the pages and there were 7 soldiers that were lost in the last month. From one division. I don't know what I was expecting but I did not expect to be looking at pictures of 7 men, most younger than my children. I did not expect to see their parents and grandparents there. There was no amount of preparing in the world that I could have done to be ready. Soldiers that knew the fallen gave eulogies. Psalms 23 was read. The names were read. At this point I was glad (if I can use that word in this context) that it was a reading of names rather than a roll call. Taps began. Taps is so final. Music reaches my soul. Taps goes as deep as any song can go. The firing of the volleys happened behind me. Each shot that rang out stopped my heart. Amazing Grace began to play as the families and Soldiers said their goodbyes. Watching the soldiers salute the fallen as they approached one by one was too much. I still kept it all in. Shaking with a need to cry for them. Not just the fallen but for the families and friends that lost someone so special.

I contained my emotions and tears through the service. I shook inside and my eyes filled with tears. But I wouldn't let them flow. I don't know my reasoning. I just felt like I needed to be stronger. That others wouldn't understand my need to cry. I had a friend with me. The same friend that went with me to the memorial service for the soldiers killed November 5, 2009. She understands me. She understood my need to leave as soon as we could. She knew I was holding it all in. I couldn't bear the reception after the service. She understood.

When I got home I cried for fallen then crawled into bed and took the longest nap I have taken in a long time. I feel better. I am adjusting to this new reality that so many before have already had to face.

This is who I am. If you hurt and feel loss, I feel it with you. When I get distant or distracted it's okay. Just know it's my way of mourning the loss around me everyday.

Is Walgreens being selfish?

Or unpatriotic? I think so. Up until about two weeks ago commissary shoppers were able to use the coupons that you receive from manufactures that print out for certain sales at Walgreens. These 'register rewards' worked just like cash at the commissary reducing the overall amount to pay. For some military families this really helped lower the cost of the grocery expenses.

This was possible because the commissary takes manufactures coupons that does not have the word ONLY on it.

Notice the two arrows. The one on the right used to be the only wording on the register reward. Since Walgreens decided they do not want commissary shoppers to use the coupons anywhere but at Walgreens they added the wording that the arrow on the left points to. 'REDEEMABLE ONLY AT WALGREENS.'

Defense Commissary Agency had no problems accepting the register rewards without the word ONLY on them. Redeemable at is merely a suggestion.

Commissary shoppers that used this to reduce their bill were generally loyal dedicated Walgreens shoppers. Some spending hundred of dollars a month at Walgreens. The money from the register rewards does NOT come out of Walgreens pockets. The rewards are from the manufacturer of the product purchased.

I for one will no longer be using Walgreens as I take this to state that they do not support the military UNLESS and ONLY if we shop at their store. I'm sorry, but I cannot buy all my grocery needs at Walgreens and I don't think anyone else can either. Unless you live on junk food and processed foods. Until Walgreens changes the wording I will be boycotting them. If they are the only place in town that carries a certain medicine then I will drive to another town.

If Walgreens changes their wording I will gladly go back to shopping there. I will also write another blog that they did the right thing.

If by chance this has to do with the 'extreme couponers' then the military community should not be punished for what some are doing. Perhaps they could work with the commissary and add 'REDEEMABLE ONLY AT WALGREENS AND MILITARY STORES.'

If you are a military shopper or are just a military supporter, then please join the others that are taking a stand and sign the petition. (Your information will remain private.) I do not have a goal yet for the number of signatures but it will be in the thousands, I will print off the petition and go to Walgreen's corporate with it.

Sign the petition.

One person cannot make the change but they can start it. That's what I have done. Sign and share with your friends. Thank you in advance of your support.

I will be reposting this blog as often as necessary until the desired number of signature have been received.

At what point do I quit?

I started Going It Alone because I was going it alone and knew in my heart that I could not possibly be the only one out there.

I wanted so much to make connections between others that were going it alone too. And people came. We are a year later and there doesn't seem to be any interest anymore. Perhaps you had children or no longer feel the need to know there are others. I wanted a 'place' that we could go without all the chatter of children or problems that come with that. Being alone we have an entire different set of problems that those people might not understand.

I learned in the past few years that the only way to overcome loneliness during deployment (or when they're home and busy) is to reach out to others. All it takes is one tiny little step and things will happen. It might not always go the way you want it but some sort of companionship or friendship can develop when you make the first step. For those that are painfully shy like me it can be the absolute hardest step to ever take. Again, another reason I started Going It Alone. I had to take that first step. 

Once a relationship with someone is formed it cannot be one sided. There is a give and take. There is dialogue. There is something. If there is nothing then it cannot be considered a friendship and we move on.

For me so much has happened in the last year, for the better, that life flies by so fast my head spins. But I try to be here for you. I want to be here for you. Sometimes I need you in return to let me know that it does matter to not be alone by responding so I really am not just talking to a wall. Click like or complain or praise or anything. Something. This one sided relationship is no longer working for me. I NEED input.

I am asking at what point do I shut down Going It Alone because there really is no need for it? Am I being selfish? I don't think so. I have been here. I might not have the fancy web pages or lots of info BUT really, what IS there for us? This wasn't designed to give you tons of resources because there isn't any. When and if I find interesting information I do share it with you. But I don't get any feedback so I never know what you want or need.

No one wants a one-sided relationship.

I am going to take a few days to decide what to do. To see if anyone responds that Going It Alone does help them feel not so alone.

Robin

How strange are yours?

There are tons of pages for what to send in a care package. I have learned over the past few years that those pages don't help me out very much.

Here is a list of some of the things I send to give a little taste of home:
Shelf stable milk- BIG HIT. I buy Borden. It's found next to evaporated milk in the stores.
Jell-O Instant cheesecake mix and shaker container
Mini graham cracker pie crusts (for cheesecake)
Fruit topping
Home canned:

• Jams
• Beef stew
• Spaghetti
• Chili
• Black eyed peas
• Collards
• Peaches
• Salsa
• Roast beef and veggies

Homemade beef jerky
YooHoo in boxes
Assorted pastas (and microwave pasta cooker)
Rice
Crackers
Jell-O
Pudding
Shelf stable margarine (like Country Crock)
Peppridge Farms Sandwich flats-sealed with food saver.
COOKIES-any and all kinds!!! And never ever enough of them.
From the store canned foods when I need a break:

• peas-the LeSueur kind, not the cheap big ones
• tuna
• Tuna helper
• Ravioli
• corned beef
• Carnation Instant Breakfast
• whatever else I see that he might like

Twin size sheets with at least 300 thread count. (They need soft things too!)

There is of course the assorted regular stuff like magazines, books, etc. Obviously this list is not for every soldier over there. Care packages should be personal and based on what each soldier's tastes and desires are.


The next big problem with my list is packaging. I cannot can homemade food in plastic containers! Therefore everything I send that is home canned is GLASS. Yep, see the problem here? I put each glass container inside of a zipper bag, then wrap it in bubble wrap. I put a trash bag in the large flat rate box and then place 6-9 jars in the box. There are gaps now that get filled with YooHoos, M&M's, rice, pasta, and whatever else will fit in the gaps. I have not kept count of the number of glass containers I have sent, it is high though and so far only one thing has got cracked and spoiled.

I use a Food Saver for everything else. For the homemade beef jerky and cookies I freeze them as soon as they cool. Then as quick as they are froze I seal them with the Food Saver. This prevents them from clumping up into a big ball and keeps them fresh for the shipping time.

Obviously this list requires that they have a microwave and refrigerator but if your soldier is lucky enough to have them some of these things can make their life taste a little better.

I am always looking for other things I can make and send to him. Packaging makes it difficult but it is fun trying to figure it all out.

How strange are your packages?

$10 for leaving a comment?!

This is going to be simple. (Your chances are also very good since there are so few of us!)

1. Who is eligible? Fans of Going It Alone~Military Spouses on Facebook that are a military spouse with no children at home. (This means your children are grown, you have no children or you only have children part time. In other words if you spend the majority of your spouses deployment by yourself you're eligible.)

2. How do you enter?

A. Leave a comment without breaking OPSEC/PERSEC with your FIRST name and where you are stationed.(Don't say anything identifying, your email will be hidden and I will be able to tell who commented.) (1 entry)
B. Refer a military spouse with no children at home. When they join have them comment you sent them. (1 entry)
C. Follow the blog and comment that you are following. (1 entry)
D. Tweet to say hi and use hashtag #goingitalonemilitaryspouse and comment here that you did. (1entry)

 The prize? $10 to your paypal account or as an Amazon.com e-gift card. (And you never know, more prizes might be added during the next month but they will be surprises.)

When? You have until August 1st to get all your entries in.
How? Every entry will be assigned a number and random.org will select the winner(s).

Why? Because I want to be nice. Well, and get you all involved and meeting others close(r) to you. This is not sponsored by anyone other than Going It Alone.

Just Because

Have you ever received an unexpected letter in the mail? Not email. Regular old fashioned mail.

Did it make you smile and feel warm inside?

It does me.

I am the WORST when it comes to sending mail and 'thank you' cards. Or birthday, anniversary, Easter, Christmas, etc. But I do try to remember.

I challenge you to look in your addresses wherever they may be and pick someone to send a card or letter to. It doesn't have to say much. Just a 'thinking about you' would be fine. (This doesn't include your spouse whom I hope you are already writing to.)

If you are worried about your handwriting, try printing. If that is also bad use the computer but do sign the letter.

You might be surprised and get mail back! Even if you don't, knowing that you put a smile on someone's face is worth so much more.

Let me know how many you send. My goal is one per month to someone new. That doesn't seem like much but when you are as bad as I am about sending letters it is quite a challenge.

Imagine for a moment.....

I see things differently now that I'm an Army wife. I've never been one to like extreme temperatures. I like a nice 60-70 degree F. outside. Anything else I tend to complain about. But it's different now. I'm not saying I still don't complain, I just try to be careful about where I am and who the recipient of my complaint is.

So for just a moment play along. Think of the hottest day of the year. For me in Texas that's around 110-115F. Now go to your stored winter clothes and pull out your warmest outfit and put it on. Don't forget a hat. Find a backpack laying around and fill it with 50-80 pounds of whatever you can find. 10-five pound bags of sugar would be great. Put the backpack on now. Now find a fan and get the gunk from your vacuum cleaner, you know the sand and dust that's in there. Rig it up by the oven so the gunk is blowing in your face. Before you turn the fan on turn on the oven to it's lowest setting and after it preheats turn it off and open the door. Now turn the fan on and and stand there for as long as you can. Bet it's not long. It's not quite realistic, perhaps it's not even close to what our soldiers endure everyday during the hot summer months in the middle east.

When my husband first reenlisted and was in Ft. Sill for a short while I went down to visit him. I don't think I EVER shut up about how hot it was and how miserable I felt. I did not realize how selfish and inconsiderate I was being. Or how very tolerant was my husband was being with me. On one particularly hot day we were walking out of a shoppette and I complained how hot it was. My husband in his gentle way stopped me and pointed out a truck. I'm not sure of what type but it has a canvas cover and rail seats in the back for transporting soldiers. The back of the truck was packed with soldiers, sitting, standing and squatting and more getting in.

Now I'm a little dense at times, especially when I am miserable. He asked me to notice what they were wearing. They were dressed in full battle gear. (The average Army trooper’s gear now approaches 125 pounds. Reference ) Then it occurred to me how completely, totally and miserably HOT they had to be. And not a single one was complaining or fanning themselves. They just dealt with it.

Yes, I was a newbie. Yes, my eyes opened a great deal that day.

I had to go somewhere the other day and it was 102F outside. I grabbed a bottle of water to take with me. I ran into the place for 30 minutes and when I came back out my water could have been used for a cup of tea. It immediately made me wonder about soldiers in the field or on missions and how often they must drink warm water.

They sacrifice so much for us. When you hear of sweat and blood they give, it is no lie. I don't think unless you have been there, a soldier, in their shoes you can fully comprehend. I know I can't. It makes my heart swell with pride for every one of them while at the same time breaking for all they go through.

So this summer when you think about how hot it is, stop for a moment and think of soldier that doesn't get to escape to an air conditioned room when they want or get a cool drink of water when they want. They have to tough it out. Army Strong. And unless you have a bottle of ice water to hand to a soldier in uniform, never tell them how hot it is. Better yet, don't say anything, just offer them the ice water.

Beginning of sandstorm. From my husband, Tikrit 2010.

Soldier in heat and sandstorm.  No credits found.

Pomp and Circumstance

Pomp and circumstance defined as an idiom is a formal ceremony. There are all kinds of events that have pomp and circumstance. Graduations are what most people first think of.



For a military spouse we think of 'Casing the colors' when our soldier deploys or the homecoming ceremony when they return. 


I love the ceremony and all the pomp and circumstance that goes along with it. I need it. I need to feel the reality of what's going on. That's what pomp and circumstance does. It makes it real. 


It does not make deployments easier nor homecomings faster. It just makes it real. I like to feel the energy from other people. The positive and the negative. I need to feel I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. 


How do you feel about it?

A Different Set of Eyes

The days leading up to the possible shutdown were wearing on me. I tried to reassure people that even IF it did happen it wouldn't be permanent. That it WOULD be okay in the end. Panic had started to spread and didn't take it long to consume many of the normally sane people I know. I couldn't find the words to help and stressed myself out trying.

My husband posted on facebook the day after the talks in response to all the arguing and panic that he had been hearing. Before you read it I want you to see what his sister said about the same message:

I call him "Turd Breath"...because he is my little brother...and good insults are the foundation of all sibling relationships....but I double-dog-dare anyone else to try to insult, or put him down! Every once in a while he just blows my mind with his eternal capacity to love - and to see the goodness through the darkness.

Enclosed is a message he published about the near-government shut down. I want to share with others the face and the voice of the soldier on the front line serving his country...the man who almost had his pay check withheld while the lawmakers would have continued getting theirs.

I think my brother would do his job for free if it meant completing his objective and seeing that no man was ever left behind. He is everything that is good and right with this country...

Just my 2 cents, although it may not be worth quite that much...

April 9, 2011 at 12:56pm ·

By Mikey Howard

I'm proud of my government. Just imagine - a group of career politicians deliberately walked into a mine field. They faced castigation and ridicule not only from their own country but from the entire world. They reached a near impasse despite the certain knowledge that their future in Washington was riding the ragged edge of disaster due to the repercussions, both real and anticipated, of a government shut-down. They did so because each side believed so strongly in what they were fighting for. There was no complacency here. This is passion. They weren't sipping cognac with their feet up as they discussed issues, they were screaming at each other across tables filled with coffee cups and take-out food in the wee hours of the night. I don't know what all happened in those halls but I do know that I will continue to serve my country in the certain knowledge that it is still the home of the brave and that principles still matter to so many of my countrymen. God bless my aggravating, cantankerous Congress. God bless you. And God bless America.