I started Going It Alone because I was going it alone and knew in my heart that I could not possibly be the only one out there.
I wanted so much to make connections between others that were going it alone too. And people came. We are a year later and there doesn't seem to be any interest anymore. Perhaps you had children or no longer feel the need to know there are others. I wanted a 'place' that we could go without all the chatter of children or problems that come with that. Being alone we have an entire different set of problems that those people might not understand.
I learned in the past few years that the only way to overcome loneliness during deployment (or when they're home and busy) is to reach out to others. All it takes is one tiny little step and things will happen. It might not always go the way you want it but some sort of companionship or friendship can develop when you make the first step. For those that are painfully shy like me it can be the absolute hardest step to ever take. Again, another reason I started Going It Alone. I had to take that first step.
Once a relationship with someone is formed it cannot be one sided. There is a give and take. There is dialogue. There is something. If there is nothing then it cannot be considered a friendship and we move on.
For me so much has happened in the last year, for the better, that life flies by so fast my head spins. But I try to be here for you. I want to be here for you. Sometimes I need you in return to let me know that it does matter to not be alone by responding so I really am not just talking to a wall. Click like or complain or praise or anything. Something. This one sided relationship is no longer working for me. I NEED input.
I am asking at what point do I shut down Going It Alone because there really is no need for it? Am I being selfish? I don't think so. I have been here. I might not have the fancy web pages or lots of info BUT really, what IS there for us? This wasn't designed to give you tons of resources because there isn't any. When and if I find interesting information I do share it with you. But I don't get any feedback so I never know what you want or need.
No one wants a one-sided relationship.
I am going to take a few days to decide what to do. To see if anyone responds that Going It Alone does help them feel not so alone.
Robin
I was glad when you started this. It was good to know that there were others out there, even if I didn't often comment. Just the awareness helped me. You're right that there aren't many resources for Army spouses without children. I don't know that I have the right to participate anymore since my husband recently retired. However, I will still know what it's like to be alone most of the time since he's decided his retirement job is going to be an OTR trucker. I've had to laugh that my life isn't changing much at all with his retirement. You'll have to decide for yourself what is best. But I'd imagine there are probably people who lurk and maybe don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteAs a retired 'going it alone' type person you have so much that you can offer us that are still going through it! I am really a 'newbie' to the Army with only four years and two deployments. I just needed to know if there was a need. All of your insights help so much. ~Robin
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