I'm all over the place. Hubby leaving after R&R, tragic death in family, fires destroying so much of Texas. So I should say I'm not physically all over the place. My mind is. I want to be with my family but need to stay close to home because of fire hazards. I cry for a while, then I laugh. Then I wander. I don't have any plans, I need plans. I just can't make any. None that stick anyway. Then I get angry at myself for being so sad for so many I don't know.
Death messes with me. Tortures me. Haunts me. I wonder if it would be different if my father hadn't died when I was eight. If I hadn't had to have faced loss to someone so close so soon.
I ask God why he lets me hurt for every death I hear about or read. Why can't I just say "wow that sucks" and move on?
I will find my peace soon. Dale will have a funeral, the fires will end, hubby will be home (eventually.)
Bear with me, I promise I'll snap out of it stronger and more resilient. I just don't feel like being strong and resilient right now.
Please forgive any crazy typos I might have missed. I'm posting from phone.
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