Complex

I am seriously getting a complex!

I don't know many of the women here, some only by association. But I have tried to connect. For some it's just plain distance, for others I have no clue. Perhaps I have an odor. I try to make sure I've showered before I meet people, but I chase people away. ::smile:: I try to be reserved, but I can rattle on unintentionally when around humans. I try not to be a know-it-all. I try not to ask for help unless I have found absolutely no way out of a situation. I try to make myself available. When someone is sick I volunteer to take them a meal. When someone is in need I try to be there. I always try to do as much to help others as I possibly can. Perhaps it's because my house is plain, undecorated. We focus our energy outside on our yard. We aren't caught up with decorating inside or having 'Americana' decor all over. We occasionally buy one thing, if we both agree and it makes a statement or has a meaning to us.

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I try so hard. I could have gone the entire deployment without every meeting anyone in the unit and I honestly don't think anyone would have called to see if I actually existed. And the reason, in which I wholeheartedly believe, is that I have no children. When one has a child at home, there is some form of accountability. There is school at the very least. With a child one has more needs and emergencies. But should that exclude me?

What is it about women without children that others see as a 'disease.' I have raised children. I am knowledgeable about them. I wanted more children but God didn't have that plan for me, I have accepted that (well most of the time.) I sit here now and wonder if I treated childless parents the same way when my children were growing up. I hope not. I'm pretty sure I didn't. I know every weekend I went to play cards with a couple that were childless. I don't remember treating them differently.

The spouses are by no means cruel or mean. It is just that they have children or families to occupy their time. One person being alone is really no matter to them when they have someone taking up part of their lives. 

My energy levels aren't as high as a young spouse. Perhaps that it. I need notice and planning to do anything. I can't just do things on the fly anymore. I lost my spontaneity. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy things occasionally. I just need a little time.

There could be and probably are other things. I am almost twice as old as many. Our unit is very small. My husband is enlisted. But really, do any of those things make ME less of a person?