Friday, July 2, 2010

Finding friendship and maintaining it.

I find lots of friends. So many people with similar interests. People that are fun. People that are interesting. I have close friends that I can turn to if I need to. I don't have many friends that are close enough to just hang out with whenever, but I have faith that I will find one eventually. Of course the Army will up and move me and that will come to an end. I will just make an adventure out of trying to find a new friend.

Our base of people to find friends in can be pretty small if we are not social butterflies. Our units selection to pick friends from is pretty slim. I have found some really good friends this last year. It is a give and take relationship. I find friendships work best that way. Even if you can't give in the same way your friend does, give something in return. Offer lunch, dinner or just an ear that won't judge you or your problems. Never try to make yourself better than the other person. If you have many talents, play them down. I am very educated with a broad range of skills that can make me come across as a know it all. I try to not to share this info unless it is asked for. Pushy is not something I want to be.

There is always that one person though. That no matter how hard you try you just can't click with them. I have one of those. It bugs me because I can't seem to get to the bottom of why. We are on Facebook together, connected by the thread of our husbands unit. I met her at a dinner last November. Then got to know her better through my dearest friend here. She makes comments that are hurtful and sometimes makes no sense. I don't know why she would do this. I feel bad that she does. Like she is seeking attention, or perhaps is jealous of something. I don't know.

I speak what is on my mind in an intelligent way and think how it might affect the one it's spoken to. I can make someone happy, sad, angry by my words. We all can...if we think about them first. Determine the response we want. The aim for it. For me, I love to make people laugh. Many of my status updates are aimed at humor. Many times she doesn't get it so says something rude and off the wall. I had made a comment about OCD. She didn't get it. So I explained it. Instead of saying 'oh' her next remark was 'so you have OCD?' I rolled my eyes and said 'yes, as a matter of fact I do. but it doesn't bother me at all.'

Later that day my mother posted a picture of me from well about 26 years ago. I was 17 in the picture. Pre childbirth teen years. Now I will give the point that you can't understand emotion by words without using symbols or smileys to get a feeling across. If I don't see an emoticon I can only interpret what it said my way. So I interpreted her comment: 'That is YOU???' as OMG you are so old and fat and wrinkled now. I got about three messages within a minute of her posting that. They all took it that way.

I did the adult thing and sent her an email and told her how much she had offended me and that she should really think before she writes something on Facebook because people may not get what she is trying to say. I was straight forward and adult about it at the same time making it clear I was upset. One other time she commented how much better her life will be once she is an 'officers' wife. This got her another email from me (claiming my feelings.) I told her that comment came across that if I'm not an officers wife I am a no one. Again I had people that were just as upset as I was over the remark. I was the only one to say something. I tried very nicely to tell her when she said things like that it was alienating people around her.

My point being, every time she hurt me I would send an email and we would seem to get it worked out. Now we have today. I reposted an old post that I had also posted on Memorial day weekend.

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.Please remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you.JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. GOD BLESS THE USA!! AND HAPPY 4Th OF JULY!!!

So this is what she says:  'Jesus Christ died for our sins, not our soul.' I simply commented back that she seemed to be talking semantics because without him dying for our sins our souls would be doomed so it's kinda the same concept. The next thing I know I was unfriended. This has really bothered me because I have tried to work through everything with her. I even invited her to my birthday dinner last night. (that I ended up paying for without a thanks.) So I have decided I am no longer going to try to maintain this high maintenance friendship. People like her are life suckers. People like her want to have free reign to run their mouths but don't know what to do when someone stands up to them. And all I was doing was pointing out in that context it was the same thing.


What do you think? When does one know it's time to walk away and not try anymore? Am I the one being unreasonable? (Yes I can take criticism :) ) Have I given enough chances? With friends coming and going in the Army is she really worth it? I don't see her changing. She has had so many people go to her about how quickly she speaks without thinking and then hurting people.

I won't be around often for the next couple of months. I'll be checking in but my husband will be home soon then we're going on vacation.