Simpler Way of Life

I like to do things the old fashioned way. Kind of. The microwave is there and I use it. Toaster, blender, mixer. You name it. If it plugs in and uses electricity I have it.

I also hope that I would never have to give up those conveniences! Then I wonder what exactly I would do if they weren't available to use. I also want to become 'greener.' It doesn't seem like just the two of us could do much to change the world but of course that is the wrong attitude. Everything starts with one.

I can't help but think how much easier a PCS would be if we weren't encumbered by all the appliances we have. We don't hoard things. Except in the kitchen. We both LOVE to cook. I have three sets of pots and pans. A drawer each for utensils, gadgets, knives, measuring cups, etc. And at some point during each year everything in my kitchen gets used. I don't know how to downsize what I have and there is ALWAYS more that I want or need.

I want to expand my knowledge of from scratch foods. That includes buying whole grain and grinding it myself. (hand crank so I don't need to rely on electricity)  Not to mention preserving food which takes all kinds of equipment. The canning, either boiling water bath or pressure does not rely on electricity and could easily be done over a good hot fire or propane flame outside.  The dehydrator on the other hand does use electricity and I'd like to learn more about using screens and ventilation for drying foods.

I decided to check out the MWR and see if they had any classes that would be useful. I was greatly disappointed to find nothing about food. I will check the local colleges and see what they have to offer and hopefully will find something during the day. I am not a night person and night time adult education is not my thing.

For now I will buy books and see what I can learn on my own. While my dear husband is patient and reaps the benefits of whatever I can find to preserve then make into some tasty treat.

Here are some of the tools and books that I am looking at for now:

Re-adjusting

DH has been home for a month now. The horror stories I read about reintegration have not came to light yet. I am by no means complaining but find that sometimes I am looking for the other shoe to fall. To fight and argue and wonder what comes next.

I have a honey do list. It's not getting done. That could be the area that starts an argument so I stay away from it and figure once his month of block leave is up I can start urging for the things on my list to get completed.

We both DID change over the last year. Not for the worse. We have found new interests but nicely enough we share the new interests. Ecuador for one. (I'll write more about that later because it's a big one.) The next one is just getting ourselves ready for whatever may come.

We've always lived for the moment or the day. Things happened to both of us this last year that made us realize that we need to be better prepared for an emergency. Whatever it might be. I'm not going to be all doomsday here. Don't worry. But I do want to mention that the first site that came up when I was searching for preparedness was The Preparedness Pantry blog. So FULL of useful information! Not to mention the store where I can buy food in bulk specifically for long term storage.

They also have a 'food storage analyzer.' What an amazing tool to use! I was able to enter food that I have on hand and see how long what I do have will actually last. (It wasn't long.) Then there are options to create a list of foods they have available and make a shopping list from it. My initial goal is to get three months of food storage, then six months then a year. Using their tool I will be able to keep track of where I am in meeting my goal. Check it out for yourself. (They also have giveaways quite often.)

Finding friendship and maintaining it.

I find lots of friends. So many people with similar interests. People that are fun. People that are interesting. I have close friends that I can turn to if I need to. I don't have many friends that are close enough to just hang out with whenever, but I have faith that I will find one eventually. Of course the Army will up and move me and that will come to an end. I will just make an adventure out of trying to find a new friend.

Our base of people to find friends in can be pretty small if we are not social butterflies. Our units selection to pick friends from is pretty slim. I have found some really good friends this last year. It is a give and take relationship. I find friendships work best that way. Even if you can't give in the same way your friend does, give something in return. Offer lunch, dinner or just an ear that won't judge you or your problems. Never try to make yourself better than the other person. If you have many talents, play them down. I am very educated with a broad range of skills that can make me come across as a know it all. I try to not to share this info unless it is asked for. Pushy is not something I want to be.

There is always that one person though. That no matter how hard you try you just can't click with them. I have one of those. It bugs me because I can't seem to get to the bottom of why. We are on Facebook together, connected by the thread of our husbands unit. I met her at a dinner last November. Then got to know her better through my dearest friend here. She makes comments that are hurtful and sometimes makes no sense. I don't know why she would do this. I feel bad that she does. Like she is seeking attention, or perhaps is jealous of something. I don't know.

I speak what is on my mind in an intelligent way and think how it might affect the one it's spoken to. I can make someone happy, sad, angry by my words. We all can...if we think about them first. Determine the response we want. The aim for it. For me, I love to make people laugh. Many of my status updates are aimed at humor. Many times she doesn't get it so says something rude and off the wall. I had made a comment about OCD. She didn't get it. So I explained it. Instead of saying 'oh' her next remark was 'so you have OCD?' I rolled my eyes and said 'yes, as a matter of fact I do. but it doesn't bother me at all.'

Later that day my mother posted a picture of me from well about 26 years ago. I was 17 in the picture. Pre childbirth teen years. Now I will give the point that you can't understand emotion by words without using symbols or smileys to get a feeling across. If I don't see an emoticon I can only interpret what it said my way. So I interpreted her comment: 'That is YOU???' as OMG you are so old and fat and wrinkled now. I got about three messages within a minute of her posting that. They all took it that way.

I did the adult thing and sent her an email and told her how much she had offended me and that she should really think before she writes something on Facebook because people may not get what she is trying to say. I was straight forward and adult about it at the same time making it clear I was upset. One other time she commented how much better her life will be once she is an 'officers' wife. This got her another email from me (claiming my feelings.) I told her that comment came across that if I'm not an officers wife I am a no one. Again I had people that were just as upset as I was over the remark. I was the only one to say something. I tried very nicely to tell her when she said things like that it was alienating people around her.

My point being, every time she hurt me I would send an email and we would seem to get it worked out. Now we have today. I reposted an old post that I had also posted on Memorial day weekend.

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.Please remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you.JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. GOD BLESS THE USA!! AND HAPPY 4Th OF JULY!!!

So this is what she says:  'Jesus Christ died for our sins, not our soul.' I simply commented back that she seemed to be talking semantics because without him dying for our sins our souls would be doomed so it's kinda the same concept. The next thing I know I was unfriended. This has really bothered me because I have tried to work through everything with her. I even invited her to my birthday dinner last night. (that I ended up paying for without a thanks.) So I have decided I am no longer going to try to maintain this high maintenance friendship. People like her are life suckers. People like her want to have free reign to run their mouths but don't know what to do when someone stands up to them. And all I was doing was pointing out in that context it was the same thing.

What do you think? When does one know it's time to walk away and not try anymore? Am I the one being unreasonable? (Yes I can take criticism :) ) Have I given enough chances? With friends coming and going in the Army is she really worth it? I don't see her changing. She has had so many people go to her about how quickly she speaks without thinking and then hurting people.

I won't be around often for the next couple of months. I'll be checking in but my husband will be home soon then we're going on vacation.

Birthannimus Day

Deployment makes you lose a year of life. You go on existing, but things are lost. There is no way to regain the time or events that are in the past. Sometimes the events are big.

People all around you are celebrating with their family. Army spouses with children, even though they might be going through deployment are still celebrating the special days with their children. Yes, they still lose something, but they don't lose the entire day or season.

This year we have missed our birthdays, our anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and every little holiday in between.

My husband sent me an email and asked me what I wanted for my birthday, really wanted. That we should really do something to celebrate. Well, I really don't care that I'm going to be 43! But I love birthday's all the same. To me it is a day of family and good food. So I spent some time thinking about what we could do to celebrate. Of course he will not be home when the day comes so it still won't be the same. My birthday will come and go with me alone. Perhaps I will make some cupcakes and stick a candle in one. I don't mind.

For now anyway.

After some thought I responded to his email with the obvious. I just want him home for my birthday. Who wouldn't. Of course that wish is unrealistic so I continued with my thoughts on having a 'special day' that is OUR day. That we can celebrate everything we missed. We would set a budget and each go shopping for the other and buy gifts for everything we missed. We don't know yet if we will do a weekend getaway or maybe just a romantic dinner at home which to us is just as enjoyable if not more so. He has afterall been gone from our home for a year.

He responded back with, 'So you want to have a Birthannimus Day?' And our day was born. I have no idea if anyone else celebrates Birthannimus Day. And if they do, each one will be uniquely different to the next. It is a day that is not rushed by holiday shoppers or commercialization. It can be anything we want it to be. And it will always be ours. Of course with each deployment the actual day will change. But that is the great part about Birthannimus. It can be whenever it works best.

So for us there will be no more stressing about missed events. Because we will know when he is home that we have our special day to look forward to.

Keeping Busy

Time is moving fast now for me. Each day is one day less of this deployment and soon it will be behind us. I realize that my year of laziness is now going to catch up with me. Right now I am thankful I don't have little ones to chase after or intrude in my time and space.

My husband says the days are getting slower and slower for him. I seem to feel guilty that they are going by so fast for me when he is so miserable. His duties are slowing down now though. They are training the incoming, and preparing to depart. I can only imagine how the clock must seem to stop. For me, I see so much that I want to make sure is perfect for his return.

The yard is now a plush green grass instead of weeds. I am harvesting okra and tomatoes and a few peppers. The sunflowers are going to bloom and out on a beautiful show for his return. The daisies are thriving. The lawn needs to be mowed. The windows need to be washed. The pantry needs to be stocked. But there is jam in the freezer. Not enough. I still have peach and rhubarb (if I can even find it in Texas.) Cleaning carpets. It's amazing how dirty they get with just pets!

I don't know how I could have actually managed to have anything done sooner than now. I couldn't garden in the winter. That's the most important thing. The back yard anyway. It is a haven. It is the green and red and purple and yellow and white amongst all the gray and brown. It is where we have friends over to grill and just hang out. It is tranquility. It has also changed a great deal in the last year. For the better I imagine. But now I fear that he won't like it, and I spend hours everyday in the hot sun doing little things to make sure it remains as perfect as possible for him.

I come in to cool off and get so tired and look around the house and worry that I just won't get it done in time.

Then I think, it really doesn't matter. He won't notice a couple of rain drop stains on the windows, or a streak on the mirror. No matter what it looks like here, he will be home. And that's all that will matter to him.

The back yard

Magnolia Blossom on the tree he planted before he left.

 Okra (his favorite)

What I really want.

I have had a bad week. I think bad is even putting it mildly but I will leave it there. Because of my bad week I have asked myself over and over, 'What do I really want?'

From Army life in general.

From friendship.

From my husband.

From my family.

Some of these were easy to answer. From the army, I just want the stability of knowing they do their best to take care of the spouse. From my family, nothing more than they already give and the occasional ear to cry into.

From my husband. Now it's going to get tricky. I do believe it just boils down to love and trust. We have never given the other a reason not to trust, but when you have two control freaks that each want things their own way it can become a challenge because when one has to be in control, one can't fully trust. That applies to decisions regarding finances, friendships, and daily life. One of us has to relinquish some control. Neither of us is willing to budge.

What do I want in a friendship? The hardest question. Also the question that I think has held me back from getting a friend in this Army life. I didn't have an easy time finding a 'good' friend before. Add in the stress and constant shifting of the Army way of life and it is compounded. I am a quiet, introverted home-body. I am also painfully shy and won't speak up because I fear rejection.

It was odd coming to that conclusion because I was an insurance agent until I retired a few years ago. I dealt daily with rejection. However, that was not personal.  This is.

We moved several times as a child. So my difficulties probably started then. I was in the same school for most of my life but when my father died during my 3rd grade at school we moved 2,000 miles away for a year. Then we moved once again for a short while when I was 13 or 14.

I did have a BFF. We spent all our time together and I have never found another friendship like that again. We lost touch for years when I moved away again to get married at 16. We now exist to each other not as BFF's but as someone we once knew that we say hi to and have an occasional chat once every five years. We are so different from each other. Life sure does change people. Not her perhaps. Very much me.

Back to what I want in a friendship. Someone with similar interests. That can hang out and we do hobbies that we each have in common. Someone that just wants to hang out and watch a movie, at home. Another person that likes the comforts of home without having to be out in public all time. Someone who avoids the rat race but someone that will go into the rat race when we both need to get out for a while. Someone that is close that we can lean on each other when we need it. Someone that doesn't suck the life out of me and take advantage of my giving nature. Someone that motivates and encourages. Someone that is not afraid to say enough is enough. Someone that is willing to take a stand for what is right without being rude, cruel or mean. There is always a way to kindly speak your mind. Even if you have to bite your tongue for a moment until the right words come. And the hardest thing, someone that I can trust. That doesn't take things I tell them in confidence and run to the next person to discuss what was said. Someone that wants to be my friend for me, for who I am. Not for who my husband is, or was or is going to be. Yes, I've dealt with that MANY times in the past.

Perhaps my expectations are just to unreasonably high. At 40+ though I don't need nor do I want the games that people play. I want to be me. I want them to be them. Give and take. No extremes.

The importance of friendship.

There are days when I just need someone. Someone that understands what I feel. Someone that has gone through deployment or is going through it.

I can always pick up the phone and call someone back home and they care. But they don't have that deep understanding of really 'knowing' what it's like.

Sure, I could go to counseling and talk to a therapist. I just have this uneasy feeling about doing that. That anything I say will somehow be recorded in some way and get back to my husbands unit. (Even when they say it's anonymous...)

I have a great marriage. I do not however have a perfect marriage. There are days I just want to scream from frustration. Those are the days I want a friend to talk to. To maybe get my mind off things. Just do something, anything. But I don't have any of those.

Today I feel the isolation problem stronger than any other time during this deployment. Maybe because it is nearing the end. How bad will the stress get as the days to redeployment get closer and closer.

I really try not to take it personal. I know that the families with children/family are busy. I don't hold it against them. I just want someone to unload my feelings, my frustration. Someone who won't judge me or think less of me. Someone who can be impartial and still be sympathetic. Someone who understands deployment and still able to talk outside of the realm of the military.


My husband has been my best friend and confidant for so many years and I really didn't need anyone else. Now, with the distance between us in miles a gap in our bond is forming. I have no doubt that will can fill in the gaps once we readjust to each other, but what do I do in the meantime? I need a 'Wilson' like on Cast Away. No, I have my pets for that. I need human interaction. Reaction. Face to face emotion.

I'm going to take a break for a couple of days. Work my way through this. I'll be back after the holiday weekend. Keep in mind why we have a Memorial Day, remember why we are free.

This video was made in 1986 and is just as powerful today as it was then.