Well meaning people.

We have a wide and far spread network of friends. I love my friends. I just wish sometimes they could 'get it.'

I consistently get emails from them. That's a good thing right? Well yes and no. They are pretty much standard short one line emails. They almost always go like this:

"Just wanted to say hi and check on your hubby. All is well here."

I always respond with "He is doing well, all is good."

What I wish they could get is, that once in a while, those people that send the email would stop and ask 'how are you doing?'

Of course my response would be 'great!' But it would just be the thought that they stopped to ask about me. I don't really blame them. They don't know any better. They don't know the sacrifices that we make right along with our spouses. The fears that we live with daily. The additional stressors we have in our lives. I always think too it would be better if they just asked HIM how he is doing. He loves getting mail. He would love to know people are thinking about him. I always relay the message, but it's not the same. He might not be able to respond right away, and he will probably even forget. But just let him know. Second hand caring just isn't the same.

Perhaps they are hoping for something I can't give. Information that is private that I probably don't even know. I don't know. My husband and I are secret keepers. We don't tell each other anything unless that person has told us to tell the other. That includes information he knows about himself and movements, missions, etc.

I would love to know every move he makes. It would make me feel more secure knowing where he was every moment. But then again, it could make my life a living hell. I probably don't want to know when he is outside the wire, in fact I'm sure I don't. I prefer my pretend world where is always safe and secure in his CHU.

At what point do I quit?

I started Going It Alone because I was going it alone and knew in my heart that I could not possibly be the only one out there.

I wanted so much to make connections between others that were going it alone too. And people came. We are a year later and there doesn't seem to be any interest anymore. Perhaps you had children or no longer feel the need to know there are others. I wanted a 'place' that we could go without all the chatter of children or problems that come with that. Being alone we have an entire different set of problems that those people might not understand.

I learned in the past few years that the only way to overcome loneliness during deployment (or when they're home and busy) is to reach out to others. All it takes is one tiny little step and things will happen. It might not always go the way you want it but some sort of companionship or friendship can develop when you make the first step. For those that are painfully shy like me it can be the absolute hardest step to ever take. Again, another reason I started Going It Alone. I had to take that first step. 

Once a relationship with someone is formed it cannot be one sided. There is a give and take. There is dialogue. There is something. If there is nothing then it cannot be considered a friendship and we move on.

For me so much has happened in the last year, for the better, that life flies by so fast my head spins. But I try to be here for you. I want to be here for you. Sometimes I need you in return to let me know that it does matter to not be alone by responding so I really am not just talking to a wall. Click like or complain or praise or anything. Something. This one sided relationship is no longer working for me. I NEED input.

I am asking at what point do I shut down Going It Alone because there really is no need for it? Am I being selfish? I don't think so. I have been here. I might not have the fancy web pages or lots of info BUT really, what IS there for us? This wasn't designed to give you tons of resources because there isn't any. When and if I find interesting information I do share it with you. But I don't get any feedback so I never know what you want or need.

No one wants a one-sided relationship.

I am going to take a few days to decide what to do. To see if anyone responds that Going It Alone does help them feel not so alone.

Robin